This week we enjoyed chatting with Ashely Allen about her contribution to our upcoming book release. She talks with us about how the mindsets of the Luckiest People in the World can help people gain just incredible insight. She talks with us about having a personal brand, and that brand is who you are.
Podcast Guest: Ashley Allen
Transcription:
Kris Parsons00:00
Welcome to changing the rules, a weekly podcast about people who are living their best life and how you can figure out how to do it too. Join us with your lively host Ray Loewe, better known as the luckiest guy in the world.
Ray Loewe00:16
Keeping with our intro here, this is your lively host, Ray Loewe, the luckiest guy in the world. Let me take a minute and talk about the luckiest people in the world. We have a guest today, who was one of them. The luckiest people in the world are basically people who take control of their lives. They design them to their own specs, and then they live them under their own terms. You don't dare get in the way of one of the luckiest people in the world because they won't let you. One of the things that they do well is they deal well with changing rules. We know that all through our lives, we're given sets of rules, were getting them more and more; little kids, we're given them by our church, our schools, our jobs. For the most part, they're good because they keep us under control. They give us a set of guidelines as to how to live. But sooner or later, the set of rules gets so big that is not relevant anymore. I think it was Steve Jobs, the Apple guy who said, you know, "if you living your life under somebody else's rules, you're not living your own life". So we have with us today, Ashley Allen actually has been with us before, and actually runs Acacia insights out of the Orlando, Florida area. She works with clients all over the world. She coaches them into some incredible concepts and helps them in effect live their life better, too. Okay, so Ashely, good morning.
Ashley Allen01:49
Good morning, Ray. It's just such a treat to be with you and thank you for having me here.
Ray Loewe01:55
Well, we have a bunch of things we have to talk about. I was coughing here this morning when we started. Ashely, of course, not being helpful at all, held up - what was that stuff over there?
Ashley Allen02:08
It's a wonderful product called Entertainer's Secret Throat Relief. So if you talk a lot, or it's used many times by singers. If you want to project that wonderful voice that you have, Ray, I want you to get some Entertainer's Secret.
Ray Loewe02:25
Okay, so I feel inadequate now and I will for the entire show. Thank you very much. But one of the reasons that we have Ashley here today is we're coming out with a brand new book, our target date is about 60 days from now, to have it on Amazon and Barnes and Noble networks and things like that. It's going to be called Changing The Rules. It deals with the luckiest people in the world, who they are, what they are. We've got a set of worksheets in this book that help you become one of the luckiest people in the world. We asked Ashley here because she has a chapter on our book, a whole chapter I might add, not a mini-chapter, a whole chapter. She's there because she is obviously one of the luckiest people in the world over here, and we wanted her to be here. So let's look at a couple of things here, Ashley. We're going to talk about fiddling in a minute, but let's start with why two of the mindsets of the luckiest people in the world that I think are most reflected by you. One of them is that you always tend to follow what's fascinating and motivating. Number two, and you actually help us create this and define this, is that everybody has a personal brand, whether you like it or not. The luckiest people in the world are very, very much aware of this brand and how they show up. So why don't you take a minute and talk about this personal brand a little bit and help us define it? Then we're going to talk about how you can lose it.
Ashley Allen04:22
Exactly. Well right. First of all, I am thrilled about your new book, I cannot wait to see it and I have thoroughly enjoyed your previous publishing's. So I just can't wait to read this cover to cover and really gain insight on all of the different mindsets that you're discussing. I think you really have perfect timing on this. When you think about the world and especially people who either are or who aspire to be the luckiest people in the world. This is really an opportunity for them to gain just incredible insight from you. So thank you for writing the book and I'm certainly thank you for letting me be a small part of it. We've been talking about, you mentioned personal brand, I think it is very simple as personal brand is who you are, as you said, it's how you show up. It's how others have observed you. It's how you interact with people. It's how you make other people feel. What I really appreciated in the work that you and I have discussed relating to your book is that it really has two components. It has the aspect of each of us as individuals, understanding who we are, the talents and strengths and gifts that we have, but also how we are perceived by others. Because to understand your personal brand, you really have to have that external perception. You have to understand how you are seen by others, how you are perceived by others, observed by others.
Ray Loewe05:54
You know, you mentioned that there's a distinct difference here. Let's separate that, knowing what you want, and knowing who you are, are different than knowing how you're perceived by everybody else.
Ashley Allen06:07
Absolutely. I think that that one of the really wonderful ways of understanding who you are, are through, you know, full well that I absolutely adore assessments and behavioral assessments, I think it's that aspect of taking time, give yourself that, that gift of time to reflect of time to think about who you are in what's important to you, and what's important in your life. Right now. We've all had just an incredible experience these last two years. I would imagine many of the people listening to this podcast, have done some reflecting, they've done some research. I believe that that aspect is so critical; but there's also wonderful resources you can tap, such as behavioral assessments, and those give us language behind our strengths, perhaps language that we wouldn't have thought of ourselves. Those great adjectives and descriptors and active verbs that describe who we are. Taking that time giving yourself that generous gift of time to reflect is so important in understanding who you are now, and then understanding how you're perceived by others.
Ray Loewe07:22
But let's talk a little bit about this perception stuff because it doesn't matter who you are, it really matters how you're perceived. You can have this great image of who you are, you can think you know, you're going in a grid in one direction, and nobody else agrees with you. All of a sudden, you aren't who you are. So can you give us a couple of examples of how perceptions change from what people think they want?
Ashley Allen07:56
Absolutely, and I think the notion since we're talking about changing the rules overall, I think it's important to note that our personal brand changes throughout our lives, think of who you were as an individual 20, 30 years ago was very different than who you are now. I think your values and those kind of foundational aspects are the same, but how you present to the world, how you show up to the world is different over time. There are things that are important to us now that perhaps were not important to us, even a few years ago, pre-pandemic, for example. So I believe it's important to ask others, again, it's that external perception and whether it's through kind of a formal assessment process, or as simple as asking others, how they would describe you, how do you show up? What are your strengths, a simple ask, and getting that information from people really gives you insight into how you are presenting yourself to the world, and to your family, and friends, and to others. That may be very different than how you perceive yourself. You also talk about ways that you can not reflect the positive brand that you want to reflect or do things that go against it. You think about consumer and product brands, it's about being consistent, it's about knowing what to expect, about having that personal connection, have that emotional response. Our personal brand just the same way. When we act in a way that is disconnected from that or is different from that, you can tarnish your brand, for lack of a better phrase.
Ray Loewe09:43
I'm thinking like right now the Winter Olympics are going on, and of course, I'm thinking about the Summer Olympics because I'm way behind. Okay, but I remember one of the swimmers, Ryan Locky, was his name and he was a superstar. He had this great image. It was a wonderful imagery, he actually gave his metals to kids as he won them, to encourage them and stuff like that. Then he went off and he ruined his brand in a matter of days. That actually just kind of knocked him for a loop. I think he lost his swimming, he lost everything, just because you do something stupid. So what are the things that people do that cause them to lose their brand? How can you be aware and how can you be on guard because it seems like you have to be on your toes 99% of the time.
Ashley Allen10:39
Well, and you do. And again, I think we all have those people with whom, we can show the good, the bad, and the ugly, those really dear members of our family, and those really amazing friends like you Ray that you can truly be yourself. You can have those moments perhaps when you're not at your best. But when we think of how we generally interact with others in the world, whether it's at work, or through our work in the communities we're involved with, or the activities involved with, you do need to be on your toes. If you think of it from a work setting, you're always interviewing, every meeting you have every interaction you have. You're interviewing either for the job you have or for the next job. So when you think about those behaviors, especially when you want to project and protect a positive personal brand, it is about consistency. It's about having people understand who you are and relate to them in a meaningful way. Things that can tarnish your brand. The example that you used with the Olympic swimmer is a perfect one. That's on the world stage. It happens in groups and in small ways. I remember a client that I worked with years ago, who phenomenal person, phenomenally successful woman. Great at her craft, a great manager, and leader of people. She had worked with me for about a year to really help elevate her emotional intelligence, her ability to be more empathic, more empathetic, and she did phenomenal work. She worked hard, you know, like an Olympic athlete, you train you, you consider your behavior, and you have those positive interactions with people. But one day, something happened at work. It was a tipping point for her. Instead of just collecting her thoughts, realizing she was possibly going to say something that she might later regret, or take a walk around the block, she very publicly and very loudly vented. Telling everyone her feelings in a matter of less than 10 seconds. She eliminated all of the great work that she had done before.
Ray Loewe13:01
Yeah, what do you do?
Ashley Allen13:03
I think in that moment, again, recognize when you are having those moments, when you believe that you are shifting from being who you want to be, to perhaps someone who you don't want to be. Just be mindful of that, be intentional about that, and recognize, should you stop a conversation? If emotions are high, or if you're in a conflict situation, things of that nature, just say, "I think we need to put a pause here, let's get back together and discuss this when emotions aren't so high, we all need a little bit of time". Recognize those moments. That doesn't mean you can't be have healthy debate or be passionate about something; but when we think about the values that we want to reflect, kind of clue yourself in on those times when you're going against the grain when you're going against that positive image that you'd like.
Ray Loewe13:59
Sure, sure. How do you train for that? I mean, you know, what, what can you do?
Ashley Allen14:04
I think it's heightened awareness. I think it's not just as when you are understanding who you are and who you want to be at, at this stage in your life and going forward. It's through heightened awareness. It's also you can have accountability buddies on this too. You can have brand buddies. You can have people who know you will and can give you positive feedback, or kind of give you feedback that is important for you to hear. I think personally, it's a way for you, yourself to just be in touch enough with who you are that you know when you are diverging from the personal brand that you want to reflect.
Ray Loewe14:51
Now, you know, I'm thinking about how easy it is to ruin all the work that you did, you know, it could be a Facebook post. Yep. Okay. It could be having too much to drink at a party and saying the wrong thing to the wrong people. Thanks for making me really concerned about this.
Ashley Allen15:17
I think we all want, we all want to show a wonderful range of emotions and again, be passionate about the things we're passionate about. But I think too, and again, this, oftentimes, we think of this in a business sense, but know your audience. Think about the person you're speaking with, to whom you're speaking, and understand and think about how your words are going to fall.
Ray Loewe15:38
Okay, so I think it's really important to put this whole thing in perspective here. I mean, we talk about if you want to feel lucky, if you want to be one of the luckiest people in the world, you're going to do a bunch of things. Number one, you're going to make the rules work for you. Number two, you're probably going to look for positive outcomes, you're going to try and make sure you're in a good mood most of the time. Then you're going to design your life so that you live in under your terms. Part of that though, it's not good enough to just say this is who I am, you got to look at how the world is going to look at you. I think the luckiest people in the world take their time to do that. Because nobody wants to have these confrontations later. Nobody wants to say, you know, I've worked so hard for this, and I blew it all by doing something stupid in a moment. We're gonna need to come back at this. At some point, I need some time to think about this. But of all the things I think I've done that are stupid, and I've done many of them, by the way. In fact, I'm probably the king of stupidity. I've just been really lucky that I haven't been caught here. I think that this whole concept of knowing who you are, and how you're perceived, and then protecting this perception is really, really critical. So let's change the subject because I want to get onto really important things. One of the things that you do is you take the edge off of thinking about aging, and you think about living. So you came up with two things on our last podcast. You were talking about the fact that one of the ways you keep from getting to be an old codger is you play a musical instrument, or learn to play one, or you learn a foreign language. So let's talk about that for a minute, then give us an update on where you are, and then let me lament what you've done to me.
Ashley Allen17:58
I love this. I love this. I was so hoping we were talking. When we spoke last time, I had mentioned that I believe the two of the best ways to preserve your brain health, as you go through the decades, is to learn a new language, second, or third, however many. And also, as you said, to play a musical instrument, I chose to learn to play the fiddle. I chose to learn this about six years ago. Well, no one told me how hard it is to play the fiddle. As I said last time, I have learned so much about myself. I've learned so much about learning, and about being new at something, and about being excited about something, and about failing at every level. But I also said last time, it is something that it's counterintuitive. You can be so bad at something but enjoy it thoroughly. That's still the case with me. I am a little better than when we spoke several months ago, but perhaps not a lot. But it is something that is a cumulative effort. It's something that you learn every piece by piece, note by note, minute by minute. I am absolutely thrilled to hear that this is going to mean adventure that you're going to take too, right?
Ray Loewe19:20
Well, I'm not so sure about that. So let me finish the story over here. So after you picked up the fiddle, I was talking to my wife, Sandy, and she thought it was a great idea. What she did is, she bought me a ukulele. That ukulele sat in a box for two years. It got moved from the old place to the new place and sat in storage for a long time. It came out here because we actually have where I live now ukulele club. We had entertainment the other day of 40 people who had no idea what they're doing. Playing ukulele and it was just an absolutely fun time because everybody was singing along. Everybody has smile on their face. So I was also telling this story to Sandy that I'm so bad at music that I failed recorder or flute when I was in elementary school. So this year, I got a recorder for Christmas. Yeah, I think that one's gonna stay in the box, but the ukulele is out. I'm pattern this after you because I think this is part of the perception I have of you. In this case, it's not necessarily of an accomplished musician, is a person who is having an incredible amount of fun with something.
Ashley Allen20:47
Oh, absolutely. The other aspect of it, which to me is so much a part of being one of the luckiest people in the world of lifelong learning, it's learning something new, It's taking a risk. If you were to hear me play, you know, it is a risk to listen. And it is, but it's just going in there learning for learning sake. It doesn't necessarily mean towards a goal, or qualification, or certification, or degree. It's just the joy of learning. But like you have understood with your ukulele ensemble, that it's also a community. It's the people that you meet along the way, when you start that activity when you start that goal. I've just been exposed to people who are phenomenally talented, and I have such a deep respect for what it takes to be that kind of fiddle player. Just learning step by step and it's humbling. It's very humbling. But I think every once in a while, we need to kind of have a little dose of humility. So I think that's a good lesson too.
Ray Loewe21:56
Well, unfortunately, we're nearing the end of our time here. I wanted to make sure that you came back on the show because you're such a critical part of our new book. You're a critical part of my life going forward. You're part of the luckiest people in the world community. I think everybody can see why when we talk about your passion about branding and being aware, and protecting your brand. Also talking about just joining a community and being a fiddler. So thank you so much for being with us. You got to come buy the book and read about Ashley. It's a wonderful experience in and of itself, it's worth whatever the books gonna cost.
Ashley Allen22:43
Well, Ray, as I said, at the very beginning, I cannot wait because I think that you are giving such a gift to so many people at precisely the right time. Your process for thinking about breaking the rules, of changing the rules, and understanding yourself, and giving people a distinct process. It's an incredible endeavor and an incredible gift. So thank you.
Ray Loewe23:11
Okay, well, Taylor, sign us off. And Ashley, thanks for being with us today.
Ashley Allen23:16
It's been my pleasure.
Kris Parsons23:18
Thank you for listening to changing the rules, a weekly podcast about people who are living their best life and how you can figure out how to do that too. Join us with your lively host, Ray Loewe, better known as the luckiest guy in the world.