Professor of Photography & Videography at Cal Poly Tech in San Luis Obispo, CA, Sky Bergman took a personal project and created a fascinating documentary, soon to appear on PBS this May. Over four summers, Sky turned cooking lessons with her grandmother into a video for herself and family. During that time the seed of an idea was planted. This inspiration became a teaching experience for her students and a documentary filled with the wisdom of forty golden aged men and women, wisdom that needs to be shared with the world. Listen to this intriguing story. Learn more about The Luckiest People in the World at www.theluckiestpeopleintheworld.com
Reach Sky Bergman at skybergman@gmail.com. To learn more visit her website lives-well-lived.com
TRANSCRIPT
This is Changing the Rules, a podcast about designing the life you want to live, hosted by KC Dempster and Ray Loewe, the luckiest guy in the world.
KC Dempster 0:12
Good morning, everybody. Welcome to Changing the Rules. I'm KC Dempster. And I'm here with my co host Ray Loewe. At the, here we go, wonderful Wildfire Podcast Studios in beautiful downtown Woodbury, New Jersey.
Ray Loewe 0:27
You did that all by yourself? That was extraordinary.
KC Dempster 0:30
Yeah, that's because I'm extraordinary
Ray Loewe 0:32
must be Tuesday.
KC Dempster 0:36
Yes, and we have an amazing, amazing guest to talk with today. And, Ray, do you want to say a few words before we get jump right in?
Ray Loewe 0:44
Yeah, we have a young lady by the name of Sky Bergman, we're going to introduce her in a second here. And the whole project that she's been working on just kind of fits the luckiest people in the world. So well. Okay, and let's just get right to it. Because there's just so much to say. So let me start by saying that Sky Bergman is a photographer, and a filmmaker. I'm going to give her more kind of the takeaway is she's got this extraordinary film that we're gonna be talking about today, which will be aired on PBS in May. So this is, you know, top notch stuff here. We're not, we're not in the minor leagues.
KC Dempster 1:25
Yeah, we're getting into the a list here.
Ray Loewe 1:27
Yeah. And so sky has been professional photography and videography at Cal Poly state in San Luis Obispo in California. And she's been there for quite a while. So you know, she's established her herself. She also is a fine art photographer, and she has displays in museums all over the world. Okay. She in her earlier career was a travel photographer.
KC Dempster 1:53
That's fascinating.
Ray Loewe 1:54
It was only fascination it's near and dear to my heart. I wish I could do that. Yeah, I love to travel. I love to take pictures. I just haven't figured out how to be good enough to do that. Yeah. And lastly, she's a filmmaker and sky Say hello.
Sky Bergman 2:08
Hi, thank you so much for having me. I really appreciate the opportunity to speak with both of you.
Ray Loewe 2:13
Well, I think the opportunity is ours more than yours, because you have an extraordinary project here. And let's start off by getting right into the project part of this. And talk a little bit about what you had in mind when this whole thing. Well, actually, let's back up a little bit. Let's talk about your grandmother first.
Sky Bergman 2:38
Absolutely near and dear to my heart. I always love talking about my grandmother.My grandmother was an amazing woman and really was my hero and my role model. And she came out to visit me for the very first time she lived in Florida. And as you mentioned, I live in California. And she came out to visit me for the first time when she was 96. Wow. For the next four summers. She spent the month of August with me which if you had been in Florida in August, you know it was a good time to leave here. And we would spend that month cooking, we go to the farmers market, we come home we cook because I realized like all good cooks. She never wrote a recipe down. And I really wanted to capture her cooking and her essence. And I guess in a way I realized that that was really the way she showed her love was through her cooking. And we had a remarkable time of filming what we called our Cucina Nonna series. And I should say I never did any video up until that point. But it was my grandmother that inspired me to do that. And, and so it was just wonderful. But when she was turning 100 I went back with her to Florida and she was working still working out of the gym. She started at the age of 80. So it is now too late to start something new. I wanted to use that as an excuse, no excuses.
But I thought I better filmer because I mean nobody's gonna believe that almost 100 she's still working out at the gym. And I had a I had her miced, thankfully. And I said, Grandma, can you give me some words of wisdom. And she said things like live life to the limits and be kind. And I came back from that trip. And I was looking at approaching 50 I'm now 55 but I was in my late 40s and I was looking for role models of what I wanted the rest of my life to look like. And you know, I think that when we look at the those types of things in movies on TV, there's they're so stereotypical, and they're, they're terrible. It's not, you know, they're not positive role models of aging. So I was really specifically looking for positive role models of aging. And so I put a call out to my friends, family and all my alum that I've taught over the 26 years I've been here at Cal Poly. And I said, here's a link to this one minute video that I put together my grandmother, and if you have somebody like her that's an inspiration as much as she is To me, please nominate them for this project. And it was just amazing the heartwarming, heartfelt nominations that I received and four years later and 40 interviews later, I had a film. There must be inspiration.
KC Dempster 5:17
I was gonna say there must be more to it than that, because it's an amazing film.
Ray Loewe 5:20
Yeah. So let's, let's, let's get into the project. So you're you are a professor, for good or bad, right? So So it's, it's natural that you would take this thing and turn it into a project and involve your students. So to talk a little bit about the project itself, and how you got involved in some of the things that happened?
Sky Bergman 5:44
Sure, well, you know, I had I created this film. And I had, like I said, 40 people with 3000 years of collective life experience, and we had a very successful theatrical release. And I would go to audiences. And I would say to them all, how many of you know somebody that would have been perfect for the film, and of course, like 98% of the hands would go up. And one of the things that I realized as I was doing the film, in the research for the film is I found that the last 100 years, is the first time in human history that we've looked to anyone other than our elders for advice. And I really feel the world is suffering as a result. And so I realized, I have all these people that watch the film, and think, wow, I know somebody that would be great to interview to connect with as a result of watching this film, why not make an intergenerational project that has makes that happen, and connect the generations and and make sure that those, you know that history is not lost, and that youth and students have that wisdom of our elders that is also being lost, I very much take for or used to take for granted that I was very close to my grandparents, and even had my great grandmother lived to be 97. I was 19, when she passed away. So she was very much also an influence in my life, but so many people don't have that. And so I collaborated with somebody here at my university that teaches the psychology of aging class. And we started showing the film and then to elders and to students. And then having those students and elders Connect, pairing them up. And they use the questions that I formulated for the film, to really get to know each other throughout the quarter. And then we do a big wrap party at the end, where they get to present what they've learned. And it's it's just such a wonderful experience that's happened in many universities and high schools across the country. This is just the first place that we did it and kind of created this learning module that can be plugged in played into other institutions. And we're doing it virtually now. We're working with senior planet, members throughout the country and our students here. And so it's it's just it's amazing. And I think, you know, one of the things that the Coronavirus has spotlighted is issues of loneliness and social isolation. And these intergenerational connections really minimize the divide between generations. And you it's really hard to have a stereotype belief about another group of people if you know somebody from that group of people. So I feel like I'm combating ageism one story and one connection at a time.
Ray Loewe 8:20
Well, you know, that's all true that the COVID thing has caused this disruption in the force here. But But I think there's something more to that. And you were telling me about one of your students, I think his name was James, who you took out with you and you don't talk about his comments from?
Sky Bergman 8:36
Oh, yeah. So I have this wonderful student, when I would do these interviews for the film, I would try and take a student with me more so that they would learn and they can help me set up lights and things like that. And he was on the interview with me for lucky Louie who was a wonderful man who used to make fresh mozzarella every morning for his daughter's deli right up until a week before he passed away. And he was 97 when he passed away, but when we interviewed him, he was 92. And and this and and he is just lucky Louie just talks up a storm and so engaging. And James and I kind of went out to lunch after we did the interview and had a little bit of a, you know, wrap about, Hey, what did you think of this interview? And James said to me, wow, I never knew that older people talked so much. I mean, you know, it's kind of funny, right? Because I grew up with my grandparents. They're Italian. They talk all the time.
But I said to him, Well, James, don't you have any, any elders in your life? And he said, Well, I have a grandfather, but I've never really talked to him. And I said, Okay, no, it's coming up on Thanksgiving. And I said, Here's your assignment. I want you to take this list of questions. And I want you to start the conversation with the grandfather. And he came back from that trip and he was beaming from ear to ear because he had he didn't know how to start the conversation and I don't think his grandfather did either and they had the most incredible time. And I think that that's one of the things that this kind of module that we put together really works, because it's really hard to say to somebody, just tell me about your life, you know, it's much easier if you have a list of questions that you can go down that kind of start that conversation. And what a gift that was for me to see James's reaction after having that dialogue and that conversation with his grandfather after all these years, and James is like in his 20s. So it's not like he's a young kid. But he just, I think that neither the grandfather nor nor the grandson knew where to start the conversation. And so putting it in some kind of a framework helped to open up a really wonderful relationship for both of them.
Ray Loewe 10:47
You know, this is so important. And we had a mini project here, my wife is an educator, and we took a class of eighth graders and connected them with a long term care at home group. And we brought the kids in to talk to the senior citizens. And once we got going, we couldn't shut them up. So you're absolutely right, there's a need for a starting point. And one of the problems with what we did is we had to get all these permission slips to get kids to go out of the classroom. So Zoom is done as another favor here in a way. Okay, absolutely. So, so other than the fact that your project has recorded seniors, which is wonderful, it's gotten students to understand how to talk to seniors. Are there any other notable things that you want to mention here?
Sky Bergman 11:44
Well, I mean, I think it's also, you know, especially in this time that the film, really one of the things that I that I did when I I didn't know, first of all, I should go back step back a moment. I didn't know that I was creating a film when I started this project. I really just thought I was collecting the stories of elders, and maybe it'd be a web series or something, but it ended up when I there was one woman that I interviewed, who had came over on the very first Kindertransport, and she still had the cardboard number that she was wearing around her neck. When she came on that Kindertransport, which was the Quakers in the for those of you that know, don't know what the Kindertransport is the Quakers in the United Kingdom, were trying to save as many Jewish children from Austria and Germany as they could before the war broke out, and they save 10,000 Kids Wow. And she was one of them. And I'm Jewish, and I didn't even know that story. And she, like I said, still had this cardboard number that she wore around her neck. And I thought I have this has to be a film, this has to be something more than just a web series. Now, I've never done a film before why I thought I could do that. I don't know. But I've always been one of those people that I say why instead of you know, I say why not? Instead of why. And I just if it's my passion, I just follow it. But you know, I think that the the film right now, these these stories of resilience and overcoming obstacles, is really resonating with people and helping us get through this time of the pandemic, because we're all going through this unique time together. And I think that one of the things that is so notable for me from the film that has really helped me is Evy Justesen, she's one of the people that I interviewed from the film talks about reading Victor Frankel's Man's Search for Meaning. And the thing that she got out of that was that there are many times when you can't control the things that are happening around you. But what you can control is your attitude. Your attitude is really the only thing that you can control. And the moment that, you know, we can't control that there's a pandemic going on. But we can control our attitude. And we can learn to pivot. And, you know, like you were saying, Ray, that now this has opened up a whole new world of people being online and connecting in different ways than we would have. And I've done screenings literally all over the world that maybe wouldn't have happened with Q and A's. And you know, where I can be part of it, because I'm doing it from my house and streaming it anywhere in the world. And so, I think that, in this moment, those stories of resilience, it gives us hope that we can get through this time as well.
KC Dempster 14:17
Sky, did you run into any I know, especially centering around survivors of the the camps in World War Two, that a lot of times they didn't want to talk about it. So that's why their family didn't know anything. Did you run into that? Or you know, anything like that?
Sky Bergman 14:36
I did. I actually, you know, I think Well, part of it is I think that because I was doing the film as a total labor of love and the people that I was interviewing and knew the story of my grandmother and they could and I could show the footage of her and really that's why I was doing the film they could they could sense that that true love, right? So they opened to me in ways that they hadn't opened up to other people, including family members. I mean, I think of the story of Emmy Cleves, who I interviewed her because she does the yoga that I do. And she's been a teacher that yoga practice for many, many years. She was in her 80s. When I interviewed her, she's now 92. And she, I didn't know this whole other story, but she and her mother escaped Riga, Latvia, and it's a long story short, they were trying to get on a plane on a train, they were on a train platform, and her mom was on the train platform. And she was handing up the bags to her mom and the doors, the train just closed, and the train took off. And she was left on the train platform by herself. At the age of I think 16. And she really had never shared that story before. And I remember the moment that she shared it with me as I was interviewing her. And my jaw just dropped. And then I had to keep going with the interview and just, you know, pivot because Okay, I was thinking, I was interviewing her for one reason, which was, wow, you're doing this amazing thing. And you've been doing this your whole life. And here, she had this great tragedy that happened in her life. And, you know, I can't help but think, what was I doing at that age? And how would I have reacted? How would I have gotten through that? And so, yes, there were certainly those stories that I think came out. And what I found interesting was that these people knew, at a certain point, knew that I was making a film. And yet they're still incredibly open and trusting. And I think, in that was a real gift for me that they were so trusting with their stories. And I, I said that I was on a panel discussion with five of the people that were in the film, one of them being Paul Wolf, Marion's husband. And I said that and he said, you know, we, we are so thankful to you, because you cared enough to collect our stories. And so I think at a certain moment, these people are at the point where they really want their stories to be heard, and they want it preserved for the next generations to come. And so maybe that just was at the right moment in time for me to collect some of those stories that they didn't feel comfortable talking about earlier.
KC Dempster 17:14
So So do you think it's that your audience is should be geared more towards younger people to to show them the impact of what they should be doing? Or continue or not continue? I'm making an assumption, but to be showing it to people who are in their 70s 80s 90s, who have stories to tell? I mean, where? Or is it like across the board?
Sky Bergman 17:39
It's really across the board. I mean, I think what it does is every generation gets something different out of watching the film. So you know, 70s 80s and 90s, maybe it makes you realize, wow, I should think about recording my story and sharing that so that I can, you know, leave that as my legacy. I think people who are like my age. I'm actually I'm a Gen Xer, but you know, Gen Xers and boomers. And I hate to put people in categories, but there is that those categories are those categories. I think it helps us look at what do we have to look forward to as we age, you know, and then I think, for younger generations, like the students in high schools and colleges that have primarily dealing with these intergenerational projects, it gives them a connection to the history and a connection to learning something about, you know, what they can look forward to in terms of their life and how they can put it in perspective. And, you know, I often have students comment, when they have seen the film, and when they've done this project, that one of the biggest takeaways for them is that the really the only difference between the student and the elder is age and that they there's so they find that there's so much more that they have in common than they ever thought they would. And that's so wonderful to hear. Because I think again, there's this stereotypical belief that it's like, well, if you're older, you're I'm not gonna have anything that I can talk to you about. And that's just not true. And I think it's just it takes that time of sitting down with somebody over an extended period of time to realize that those those stereotypical beliefs that we had can be thrown out the window. Yeah, yeah.
No, the the website that you have this on is www dot lives hyphen, well, hyphen, lives.com. And, and, you know, you've talked a little bit about the conversations you had with some of these people about their past. But one of the things that I gathered out of looking at this thing is the part about the lives well lived. So can you take a minute and talk about what is a life well lived?
That's a really good question. And I would say, you know what, when I put together the film, one of the things that I really tried to make sure of was that in every story that I told there was a poignant moment, a word of wisdom and humorous moment because we all need humor to get through the tough times. So you know, the words of wisdom that I collected, you can actually see them on the website. If you go to the film stars page, my favorite quotes from everyone in the film are on that page. And but I think, you know, I can sum up the best quote, and probably the best definition of a life well lived that I heard from one of the people in the film was from Lucky Louie, who said, "Happiness is a state of mind, you can be happy with what you have, or miserable with what you don't have. You decide." And I think of that often. You know, it's really again, it comes down to your attitude. But I think that, for me, my definition of a life well lived is it really comes from my grandmother, which is, she had this adage to just always be kind. And I think that she really lived her life that way. And if we were all just a little kinder to each other, imagine what a better world this would be. That's for sure. And that is, that is my definition of a life well lived is to be kind to each other.
Ray Loewe 21:06
Okay, well, unfortunately, we're at the end of our time. And I think your last statement is a great way to kind of end here. And we're gonna post your website along with our podcast notes. So people are going to be able to find you. And I would encourage people to look at this. It is wonderful. It's it's mind boggling. It's motivational. It's brings out all the emotions in you when you go through this. And you can do private airings of this, if you wish, if you have your own group. And there's a nominal cost to do that. And I'm sure Sky will show up and make her comments along the way. Is that is that true Sky?
Sky Bergman 21:45
Indeed, indeed.
Ray Loewe 21:46
And and so just thank you so much for being with us. And thank you for showing us that you're one of the luckiest people in the world and for introducing us to a whole bunch of other luckiest people in the world. So thanks so much for being with us.
Sky Bergman 22:02
Thank you. Thank you so much for having me.
KC Dempster 22:04
And thank you everybody for tuning in. Again, a fabulous podcast, share it with your friends, and tune in again next week when we'll have another great guest for you.
Kris Parsons 22:15
Thank you for listening to Changing the Rules, a podcast designed to help you live your life the way you want and give you what you need to make it happen. Join us next week for our next exciting topic on Changing the Rules with KC Dempster and Ray Loewe, the luckiest guy in the world.