This week we catch up with Sky Bergman, filmmaker, and soon-to-be author. Sky shares that her film Lives Well Lived is available on PBS, Amazon, and other streaming services. She is continuing to work on several intergenerational projects and writing a book. Sky also shares that everyone has a story to tell, we just have to take the time to listen. She encourages people to live out their passions because you never know where they will take you.
Guest: Sky Bergman
Sky's Website: www.lives-well-lived.com
Transcription:
Intro 00:03
Welcome to changing the rules, a weekly podcast about people who are living their best lives, and advice on how you can achieve that too. Join us with your lively host Ray Lowe, better known as the luckiest guy in the world.
Ray Loewe00:18
Good morning, everybody. My name is Ray Loewe, I am the luckiest guy in the world. And I'm sitting here with Luke Cagno. Luke is our engineer here and in our brand new studios in Lancaster, actually in Willow Street, Pennsylvania. And we have an incredible guest today, she has been with us before, and we're gonna get an exciting update. But before we get there, I want to remind everybody that what we try and do on this podcast is to interview one of the luckiest people in the world every week. And the luckiest people in the world are people who take control of their lives so that they can live them under their own terms. And when they do that, they're happier, they're more fulfilled, and they just seem to just never want to retire. They just keep going on and on and on and on. And the name on our show, changing the rules as a component of that. Because all through our lives, we're saddled with rules that everybody else gives us, our schools, our parents, our teachers, our jobs. And, it was Steve Jobs I think that said, you know, when you're living your life under your own under somebody else's rules, you're not living your own life. And you find that the our luckiest people in the world changed the rules to make it work for them. So this morning, I want to welcome Skye Bergman. Now Sky, used to be a professor of film and videography. She's going to give us an update on what happened there. She came out with an exciting film that was a complete success. And she's going to tell us a little bit about that. And then she's going to tell us about a new project that she's working on that we're all going to get excited about. So Sky, say hello, and give us a little background about what's going on in your life.
Sky Bergman02:10
Hey Ray, thanks so much for having me. And it's really nice to be back on the show again. Great. So yeah, you know, I'm was lucky enough by as you mentioned, I was a professor of photography and video at Cal Poly State University. I taught photography for 30 years, and this past December, I decided that I was going to retire from that job not retire altogether, but retire from that job. So it would open up a space for me to have time to do all these passion projects that I'm working on. One of which, of course, was a live life film, which started with my grandmother, who at the age of 100, was still working out at the gym. And I was looking at approaching 50 and trying to figure out who my positive role models were going to be. And of course, there was my grandmother right in front of me. And I spent four years interviewing 40 people that were 75 and older with a collective life experience of 3000 years and put a film together called lives well lived. And it has as you mentioned and very successful, we had a great theatrical run with it, it's airing on PBS now. So if you're a PBS Passport member, you can find it or you can actually on Amazon and iTunes and on shop PBS it blows my mind. Because here's this little film that started with a love of my grandmother and has done super well. And you know, really, since then, I think one of the things that I really have wanted to do and become an advocate for our intergenerational connections and projects. And for me, I was lucky that I had my grandparents that were around me, I lived with my grandparents for a while even my great-grandmother was alive for many years until I was 19. I had her in my life and I kind of took for granted that I had this wonderful intergenerational connections and ties. And many, many people don't have that. And so that's kind of become my passion is to connect generations through share stories. And I'm really pleased that PBS Learning Media now has a whole learning module up for K through 12 teachers that they can plug and play into their classrooms using some of the snippets of the lives well lived film, and a whole you know, curriculum of how they can Cal students can connect with older adults. And the more that we do that the better the world is going to be. So I'm really pleased with where things have gone.
Ray Loewe04:33
So So let's back up a little bit because I think it started with this film that's what allowed your passions to escape into the world. Okay. I know from the last interview that we did with you, I got one really strong thing from you. And that let me quote you on this and maybe it's not an exact quote, so you can correct me but basically, you said most of us like to believe that the human race has come a long way over the past century. And in one respect it has, but in another respect, what we've missed over the last 100 years is we're not talking to our older generation and capturing their wisdom and their values. And you know, when you did your film, and by the way, if you haven't seen Sky's, film, you need to do this. It's not a real long film, and you just not need to see it, because it will lay out for you. Not just through Sky and her vision through the camera, but through the lives of other people that believe in living life. And we need to start to capture this wisdom from people. So I remember, well, let's go back and talk about the film because it was successful. It was aired on PBS, it's still there. It's in all of these other places. But one of the other things that happened if I remember right, is you got hit with this, the film was released in the middle of COVID.
Sky Bergman06:04
Yeah, it well, we had our theatrical release before COVID. But then we were doing our community and educational screenings right in the midst of COVID. And what was wonderful was that we were ready to do virtual screenings and have virtual q&a. And in fact, I think that COVID, because of the issues that were facing older adults, and because of you know, that was certainly in the news that COVID was really affecting older adults, that's primarily really the biggest, I guess, group that were being affected in was the older adults. And so it became an issue that was to the forefront, like, let's talk about the stories of these older adults and the people that were losing and what that means and that generation. And so really, you know, the world became very flat during COVID. And people were very willing to do and meet through Zoom through Google meets and online and a way that didn't happen as much before. So I was busier than ever. And then I had been working already doing intergenerational projects, with universities and high schools and older adults, either senior centers or assisted living facilities, and was lucky enough that I had a colleague at Cal Poly, who Sarah Bartlett, who was teaches the psychology of aging class. And we've been doing this projects together for over a year at that point. And we pivoted very quickly to do it online. So we work with Senior Planet, which is part of AARP, and made it happen made these connections happen, even though everybody was shut-in. And it was probably more important than ever, because, of course, the two groups that were the loneliest during the pandemic, were older adults and students. And so we brought those two groups together. And what a gift that was for both groups of people.
Ray Loewe07:54
Yeah. And it allows you to be international all of a sudden without getting on airplanes, right?
Sky Bergman08:00
Yeah. Which is pretty nice, especially these days of their travel.
Ray Loewe08:03
Yeah. Now, if we go back to our last discussion a little bit, one of the highlights that I picked up again, you were talking about one of your students, James, and I think I'd like you to talk about it again if you're willing to do that because it has to do with how do you talk to our elders? So
Sky Bergman08:24
Sure, yeah, well, so when I would, when I would interview the people for the film because I'm a teacher, I would always try and take a student with me more just to kind of learn from that experience. And I had this one, student assistant, his name was James, really sweet young man. And we interviewed two people in one day. One of them was Lucky Willie, for those of you that haven't seen the film Lucky Willie is vivacious. He makes he was a practicing pediatrician for 50 years in this town, and then made Mr. Ellis for his daughter's deli fresh rolls every morning, and really amazing guy. So we went over there and interviewed him. And, of course, he just is so funny. And we were laughing. We had a great time. And James and I went out to lunch afterwards. And James said to me, in all seriousness, wow, I didn't realize that older people could talk so much, you know, just kind of struck me because like I said, I grew up with my grandparents. And of course, they can talk a lot if you listen. And, and I said to him, Well, James, Don't you have anyone in your life? There's an older adult, and he said, Well, I have a grandfather, but you know, we really, he doesn't live near me. And we don't see him that much. And we don't really talk and it just so happened that it was right before Thanksgiving, and he was getting ready to go home. And of course, the whole family was gathering including his grandfather. And I said to him, James, your homework assignment because he was still my student at the time. Your homework assignment is I want you to take these questions that we just asked like Lucky Willie, and I want you to ask those questions of your grandfather. And it was so wonderful, he came back from that trip, grinning from ear to ear. And it was, you know, he didn't know how to open up that dialogue with his grandfather same thing his grandfather didn't really know how to how to communicate. But having a framework of those questions, it was so wonderful. And it allowed them both to open up and have a relationship that they really never had before. And so that's one of the things that we do when we do these intergenerational projects is we give the students and the older adults a framework of questions to start from, and then where they go off from there, and what tangents they go on is fine. But I think, in doing that, what you realize is that, you know, all the students will say, and the older adults are, they have far more in common than their differences, and the only differences really their age. And I think that like with any stereotype or any ism, you know, you can have that stereotype or that ism until you meet somebody from that other group. And then once you have a friend in that other group, those stereotypes and those isms start disappearing. So I feel like in many ways, what we're doing with these intergenerational projects is really combating the stereotypes of ageism, one story in one connection at a time, and ageism works in both directions. There are older people that have stereotypes about young people and vice versa. So it's really lovely to break down those barriers and to bring those two groups together,
Ray Loewe11:18
ya know, do you have those questions on a website or something like that, or some of them so that people can get started and having conversations?
Sky Bergman11:26
Absolutely, there is a place on our website that's called shared stories. And I should say, our website is lives-well-lived.com. Or if you just Google lives well lived, it'll be the first thing that comes up. And there's a place where people could actually share their stories. And the questions are there because I realized I had to stop interviewing people at 40. Or I would never have gotten the film done, how I wanted to be inclusive, and continue collecting people's stories. There's also if you go to the take action part of the website, there's some information about the intergenerational work that we're doing and a discussion guide for the film. And in that discussion guide, there are the questions as well.
Ray Loewe12:01
Okay, so let's talk about this new project because this is where your passions are going now, are you going to make another film first?
Sky Bergman12:10
Well, I do have an idea for another film because I love the intergenerational connection. So I did make a short film, which I'm trying to make into a half an hour film, hopefully for PBS as well, which is called mochi suki. And it's the tradition of that Japanese have of making mochi to bring in the new year. And I love there's a family here actually Suzie, who's in my film, her family gets together every year. And they make Mochi. And it's like 150 people, all different generations. And I love that idea of tradition, stories, and food all coming together those things are so wonderful. So that might be the beginning of a new series where I talk about different foods and different cultures and how they come generations come together through that. But of course, I'm still working on, you know, doing these intergenerational connections through the Lives Well Lived film. And now I'm writing a book, which will kind of be a companion guide to the film, and also talk about how you can bring these intergenerational projects to your Community Corporation educational institution. So that's, that's keeping me pretty busy these days.
Ray Loewe13:15
Okay, so let's take a minute and kind of define for us what this intergenerational project is. I mean, that's, that's a big word. And I have no idea what the context is. So kind of, you know, set set a stage, what are we talking about?
Sky Bergman13:30
Sure. I mean, there's lots of different intergenerational connections and projects that happen. The one that we've been doing with the film, is that we show the film to a group of older adults into students so that they can view it together. And then we have kind of a discussion afterward with that group of students and older adults. And it sets a framework of, first of all, the older adults think, wow, this could be interesting to tell my story. And the students think, wow, this can be interesting to find out about the story of these older adults. Because in the film, you see people that are at a younger age, and you see them throughout their lifetime in their history. And I think that that really helps to put it into some context. And then the students and older adults are given the questions that I used, I had 20 questions that I asked everyone in the film as a starting point. So they're given those questions to use to get to know each other, they meet three or four times during a period of either a quarter or semester, depending on the educational institution. And then at the end, there's a big wrap party where the students talk about what they learned the older adults too, do as well, but the students really have to put together kind of like a memoir and something to give to the older adults. So it's a big wrap party at the end. And it's just been such a wonderful project. I mean, I would say that there are a number of students and older adults that stay in touch after this project. In fact, I just heard from one of the older adults that a student who had just graduated reached out to her and said, wow, you have no idea just graduated from college. You have no idea what an impact this project had on me and my career and let's stay in touch. You know, that's so heartwarming to know. Because we as teachers don't always hear that so it's nice when we find out that these things keep happening and that those relationships last beyond just the confines of a classroom or the time that's satisfied.
Ray Loewe15:10
Yeah. Now you had the opportunity to interview your own parents or your father as part of the film, too. And, why don't you tell us what you want to tell us about that?
Sky Bergman15:20
Yeah, well, so my dad recently passed away, as Ray knows that he had a massive stroke. And he was a practicing geriatric physician, right up until the day before he had a stroke. He was 79, almost 80. And, you know, it was great to interview him, because one of the questions that I asked everyone is, what do you think about your own mortality? And I think, as a daughter, it would have been a little bit, I would have felt a little awkward asking that question. I think in this society, we really don't talk about death or dying or mortality. But in the context of being an interviewer, it felt natural to just ask that question. And, honestly, my dad, and I had one of the best conversations that we've ever had. And when he did have a stroke, and things were happening, rapid-fire, I knew what his wishes were, and it made it much easier to go through that moment in time. And I think what a gift it was to both of us, that we have that conversation, and that his wishes were very clear. And, you know, I knew what was happening was okay, and it just, I think, the more that we can have these conversations, and the more that we can ask people questions, the better. And one of the questions I asked everyone was, do you have any regrets? And the biggest regret that people had, was not asking somebody a question who had passed away. So don't wait, because we think we have all this time and it can be gone in a fleeting second, I feel so grateful that I have that interview with my dad. It's just, you know, precious.
Ray Loewe16:42
Yeah, thank you for sharing that. Because I know it's an emotional issue. But I think it's so important because we don't talk to our parents especially. And, I regret, I never knew my grandparents, I never talked to them, I, I didn't even spend the time with my own parents to really find out who they are. And they're not here anymore. And I can't do that. So I think the importance of the work that you're doing about talking to other people is just so so important, and especially with your family. So again, thanks for sharing, any other comments that you want to make about the work that you're doing and where you're going, and what you hope to achieve?
Sky Bergman17:22
Well, I would just say to everyone out there, most importantly, everyone has a story to tell if we take the time to listen, we are so often on our devices, and not paying attention to each other and just put the devices away and really listen and talk to your loved ones. Talk to people, you know, reach out to people of different generations, make those things happen. I think that that's so vitally important. And if anyone is interested in reaching out to me and finding out how they can do a screening, or set up an intergenerational project, my email is liveswelllived@gmail.com, or you can find me on the website. Again, that's lives-well-lived.com. And, you know, very accessible and very willing to help and, and look for my book, which I hope will come out in May of next year. Maybe you'll have me back on when the book comes out. We'll do something made for Older Americans Month in 2023.
Ray Loewe18:17
And thanks so much for sharing because this is so important. And one of the things we don't do is we don't talk to people. So thanks again for sharing. Thanks again for being with us. And Sky, thanks again for being one of the luckiest people in the world. Because you certainly are following your passion. And you certainly have found a way to make it happen, haven't you?
Sky Bergman18:38
Absolutely. And I would say to anyone, you know, follow your passion. And also when you're working on a project and more personal the word universal, who would have thought that something that started out of a love of my grandmother would end up on PBS. And so you know, don't let those voices in your mind when you're working on a project. Go for it. Just go for it. You never know where it will take you
Ray Loewe19:00
and thanks so much for being with us. And we'll see you again when the book comes out guaranteed. All right, have a great day. And thanks everybody for being with us and Luke signing off.
Outro 19:12
Thank you for listening to changing the rules. Join us next week for more conversation, our special guest, and to hear more from the luckiest guy in the world.