Changing the Rules

Episode 30: Be Accountable to Yourself: Judy Dang, guest.

Episode Summary

How often do we promise ourselves we're going to accomplish something and realize at a later date that we still haven't done it? Judy Dang is an "accountability coach" who helps her clients sharpen their fuzzy goals and break them down into small bites to get them to the finish line. Judy believes that the world is a friendly place and is, in fact, helping us to achieve. Listen for her 5 P's to success. Learn more about The Luckiest People in the World at

Episode Notes


Diane Dayton  0:03  

This is changing the rules, a podcast about designing the life you want to live, hosted by KC Dempster and Ray Loewe the luckiest guy in the world.

KC Dempster  0:13  

Good morning, everybody. Welcome to Changing the Rules. I'm KC Dempster. And I'm here with Ray Loewe the luckiest guy in the world. Okay, and, and I just wanted to just set up what we do on our podcast, we talk about rules and throughout our lives we are we are given rules we're given them as our, from our parents, when we're children, from schools, from the community, from churches, as we get older from employers, and most of the times these rules are intended to be helpful, to protect us to maybe mold us so that we can live in society successfully. But oftentimes as we get older and take more control of our our lives, and what we want to do, The rules start to become restrictive. And what the luckiest people in the world do is that they recognize that these rules are keeping them from doing what they want to do. So they start to either change the rules, drop the rules, they move on, they make their own rules. And once they've done that, they're free to be themselves.

Ray Loewe  1:21  

Yes, they are. And there are way too many rules. We're going to break a whole lot today. And we have a guest with us that is an expert at breaking rules and making rules. So this whole concept of changing rules is based on something I've been doing for the last 45-50 years, almost all my adult life and that is tracking a group of people that I call the luckiest people in the world. All right. These are people that we see every day, you know, they're out there, they're they're kind of like, everything goes right for them. They Have this or have success about them. And yet as hard as they work, they managed to play hard also. And they're doing exciting and interesting things. And they seem to always be in a positive mood and always moving forward. And I decided years ago that this was a group of people that I wanted to hang out with. All right, and and then as time went on, I decided, Well, you know, if I'm going to hang out with these people, I better be like this. And one of the things that these people do that is the basis of everything, is they personally design their own lives, and then they step into their lives and they live them to the fullest. So they break rules, and that's one of the biggest mindsets that that almost every one of them goes through. They look at this concept of a rule and they say, you know, I can't be me if I'm living by somebody else's rules, right? And it's okay to adopt other people's rules and make thm ours. We've been going through that lately. We We have this pandemic. And we have a social distancing rule and a mask rule. And I think those rules are great. I mean, they're part of my life. Now. They're my rules, right? Okay. But they're also cause us to do certain kinds of things. And when we hit those barriers, and we can't do what we want to do, then we have to make some changes. So our guest today follows on one of the rules that we haven't spent a lot of time with yet. She definitely has a mission. Okay. And what she says she does is she helps people get to the finish line. So I'm going to take a break and when we come back, we'll we will introduce Judy, and we'll have a whirlwind conversation of wisdom and energy and whatever else. Oh, good. All right, Taylor.

Diane Dayton  3:51  

You're listening to changing the rules with KC Dempster and Ray Loewe the luckiest guy in the world. We will be right back with more exciting information.

Ray Loewe  4:01  

All right, we're very we be back. All right. So Judy told me right away that she qualifies for being one of the luckiest people in the world. Because her husband cooks and cooks well so so Judy Dang say Say hi to everybody from San Francisco.

Judy Dang  4:25  

Hello Judy here from San Francisco. foggy cold right now.

KC Dempster  4:30  

Oh, and we are blistering hot here in New Jersey, but that's okay.

Ray Loewe  4:34  

So let me let me hit a couple people with some pieces of your bio here to kind of get this conversation started so, so Judy Dang helps entrepreneurs turn their business plans into action. And she breaks down large fuzzy projects into snackable easy bites.

KC Dempster  4:54  

I don't know. I'm sensing a theme here. You're gonna make me hungry.

Ray Loewe  4:57  

I have this visualization right now. So, so talk to us a little bit about how you got into this business, and a little bit more about what you do. And then I got a whole bunch of very specific questions for you.

Judy Dang  5:10  

All right. How I got into the business was about 12 years ago, I was working at a big university, and I had a major depressive episode that prompted me to take a break. I was in the wrong job. I had taken a job and after a month, it was the wrong job for me, but I was like, Gumby. I grew up with the teaching that I should work hard. contort myself to the situation. If the situation isn't working, there's something I need to do there's something wrong and I need to fix it. So I spent 18 months a very depressed Gumby.

Ray Loewe  5:55  

taught talk to us about Gumby here. I have this visualization over here of this stretchy, and that's what you were doing wasn't it? You were you're stretching to meet what you thought everybody else wanted.

Judy Dang  6:08  

Exactly outside expectations. Nevermind what my internal compass was saying, which is wrong job wrong people wrong job wrong people it said that every single day, but I ignored it. And I contorted myself to kind of work and it was miserable.

Ray Loewe  6:26  

So this sounds like 90% of the people of the world, right?  I mean, you think about it, one of the things that we've noticed is that there are some people that absolutely love their job, you know, and they're in the right place. And you know, that's wonderful. And there are other people who very definitely know they're in the wrong job. Okay. And usually they will make a change. And then there's like a whole bunch of people in limbo that is kind of where you were, wasn't it?

Judy Dang  6:57  

It's okay. I've discovered through That situation, it's okay to know that you were in the wrong job. Just don't make it about yourself. Like, you know, I made about me like it was a judgment about my self. And that was what held me back. Like, of course we're, we're probably gonna have lots of Oh, I took the wrong detour, oh, this was a dead end but not to make a judgement about our, our self worth, because of those choices.

KC Dempster  7:30  

That's that's really a good point because what happens to a lot of young people who start a career is that they start taking on responsibilities, they buy a house or they get married and have a family and they feel trapped. And they feel like they can't change, you know, change jobs that they can't afford to do that but but as long as they're not making negative statements about themselves, to themselves. It doesn't necessarily have to be a terrible thing.

Judy Dang  8:05  

Right? If you're living with intention saying I have a family, I chose to have a family I chose to buy this house. I'm going to be responsible and do what it takes to take care of my family. And being intentional about making those choices. Yes, absolutely.

Ray Loewe  8:19  

For sure. So how do you make this shift?

Judy Dang  8:24  

Change the rules? changing the rules!

Ray Loewe  8:26  

This is where the five P's come in?

Judy Dang  8:29  

This is the five P's where I've learned about and this is the some of these P's I've reversed myself during the pandemic, okay, the first p five pays to enjoy business and life. That's why I call them P. First p positivity. There are a lot of stories in our heads, and we tend to think negative. What are they gonna think there's a disaster. We're gonna die tomorrow, you know, very doom and gloom. So Every day I train myself, because life has always provided for me. Even in the dark times I remind myself, things have always worked out for me. You know, I've never been homeless. Things have usually worked out. Because I'm here. Right? Yeah. And it's not about avoiding or eliminating the tough times, but moving through them.

Ray Loewe  9:26  

Okay, you you I picked this up from an earlier conversation. So I'm cheating. But you had a mindset here. And that mindset is the world is a friendly place.

Judy Dang  9:38  

Yes, the world conspires to help us to support us and to see us thrive. That is my belief and it is evident everywhere, like our conversation or meeting. I did not set out to say, you know, on July 1, I'm going to meet this guy named Ray. No, but it happened. It is The world conspired for you to come into my life for a purpose.

Ray Loewe  10:05  

To this is why I'm the one of the luckiest people in the world because I get to talk to people like you every day. You know, and and I get to do a formal presentation like this a couple times a week, you know, how can I not be lucky? All right. And and when you when you talk to somebody like you and you talk and you come out with the world as a friendly place. Oh, wow. Okay, because a lot of times, I don't think that but but it is, it really is a friendly place when you think of it the right way,

Judy Dang  10:37  

Yeah, for sure. Okay, the next piece number two be number two plans, plans. Now during the pandemic. A lot of plans have been thrown up in the air. So I'm reversing myself with I usually help clients with you want to get to this destination. All right, this is how you get there. ABC. Sometimes we go on detours. Yes, so During the pandemic, I'm assisting clients with creating flexible plans. Yeah, have plants sure have routines, you know, get up at the same time every day I go to bed. I have an alarm on my phone that says 9:30 and get ready for bed. Because I need that for myself. But it's flexible, depending on what I'm doing. So yes, have plans be flexible leave room for serendipity. leave room for serendipity and detours. Okay, okay, number two, have loose plans. Ready for number three? Yep. Okay, pals, p pals. Oh my gosh, humans are social creatures, right? We need each other to thrive. We need each other to grow. I have an accountability group that I started because of the pandemic. We get together in the morning 25 minutes every day, Monday through Friday and has been going on since March. It's incredible. These pals a reality check for me. Where Reality Check for each other. We don't buy into each other's BS. We remind each other. Hey, you said you wanted to digita yesterday, how'd it go? And a lot of times I live in my head with those inner Gremlins, you know, perfectionism, that's my deepest darkest Gremlin and these pals of mine. Give me a reality check for that Gremlin. If I tell them you know, I'm working on this blog and you know, I'm gonna spend two hours on it. They'll say what two hours does it really need two hours? NO! and they also helped me with the negativity in my head about not good enough imposter syndrome. Because they tell me as a from a friend perspective, with my best friends say they would say all those things. To me not stuck in my head. So that's the third. P is pals have a group of trusted, trusted friends but you business I usually have a great rapport my business friends. Very special group of people on a regular basis and I have a friend I talk to every week, half an hour Allison Chicago. She's my accountability, buddy.

Ray Loewe  13:27  

Okay, so shall we have more P's though, right?

Judy Dang  13:30  

P's number four. Number four is persistence. So the first one is positively to is plans for three is pals. And the fourth is persistence to show up and show up again. Just keep on showing up because we don't wait until we're hungry to plant a garden right? We planted before we are hungry and then the persistence is keep watering on a regular basis.

Ray Loewe  14:00  

Well, if you have a plan, you do that, right? If you don't have a plan, maybe you don't do that. But you"re right...

Judy Dang  14:09  

loose plans like, okay, I want to plant a garden before I'm hungry. I'm going to start seeding the ground. And then the persistence. The fourth P is regular care and feeding of yourself, your network, your peers, your family, to showing up showing up again to wait on the sidelines for you know, someday

Ray Loewe  14:35  

your pals help that.

Judy Dang  14:39  

Yes, they remind me Oh, like yes, they do remind me and they, they're great encouragement. Really good encouragement. I'm an introvert. So I do a lot of things on my own and they helped me to blossom, really bring what's Inside Outside

Ray Loewe  15:02  

Okay, let's get to this fifth p here.

Judy Dang  15:06  

Yes it is patience . Oh gosh gosh patience for me in my business is hard because you know how there's that saying about there's like you need like nine touches to see to secure a client or someone that nine or 15 or whatever that's where patience comes in here you know is hard for me like what? you know what my genius I have all these things to offer you! know are no things are not right now you know I used to feel really devastated. but now the patience is to accept that no doesn't mean no forever. Just know right now.

Ray Loewe  15:57  

You know there are when We were talking about this earlier, you brought up the Four Seasons when you're talking about patience. And you are the master of analogies. I mean, I'm looking at Gumby right now I'm wiggling around over here. I'm thinking about your pals. I can see all of them gathered around you, you know, supporting you and doing this thing, and

Judy Dang  16:22  

the garden

Ray Loewe  16:23  

and the garden and talk to us about the Four Seasons, but in your patience, because not everything happens the way you want it to happen, does it?

Judy Dang  16:32  

Right, right. And the four seasons. Oftentimes, we think of winter as a dead time, nothing's happening. Sometimes in our lives. We're in different seasons of our lives and wintertime is actually a growth season. We just don't see it. Because they're the leaves aren't on the branches. Just because there are no leaves doesn't mean the tree is dead. There's a tremendous work happening underneath the surface that we don't see. And with ourselves, it's the same. Maybe during this pandemic, it's time to do a pause to enter a small winter period of Hmm, what is my life about, am I happy my job? Just taking an assessment. So wintertime doesn't mean that there's nothing going on. It's just it's going on underneath. Others can't see but there's tremendous growth. And in other seasons, then we can take advantage of springtime and summertime and fall reaping the harvest of the inner work.

Ray Loewe  17:41  

Okay, we're almost done with time, unfortunately. But I do have one other thing. Oh, and you were talking about the way you help people here deals with an inside system in and outside system. And I think it's important for people to realize that there are these two things going on. So can you talk a little bit about that?

Judy Dang  18:00  

Yeah, sure. So oftentimes people come to me with symptoms. I'm overwhelmed. I don't have I wish I had more time for my business where I work. And we usually uncover something internal happens for them first we work on that inner stuff first before we work on the tools and techniques and you know, time blocking and all that other stuff that you see online so much, you know, five tips to you know, have more hours in your day that comes after that comes after. Usually we work on the inner stuff. First of all, do I value my time? Why am I saying yes to sell anything? So we start with the inner work first.

Ray Loewe  18:42  

Okay, so so let me kind of recap because I got a whole lot of really interesting stuff about this Gumby. Okay, you know, I'm gonna I'm gonna think about Gumby now forever and ever and ever, but, but you know, when we started this conversation, you're talking about you and being stuck in a job that You never should have been stuck in and yet you have commitments in life. So there was nothing wrong with being stuck there. It's just that over time you needed to make changes so you could get on with your life. I think that's a real important message for our listeners, because lots of people find themselves in that. I think I love this inside and outside bit, okay, because we all need systems and things to support us. But there's also an inside thing, you know, getting our self confidence up. You can't do anything if you're not self confident, And if you're self confident, you can do anything, can't you, Judy?

Judy Dang  19:37  

Well, can you back up on that stuck thing for a moment for your listeners? feeling stuck, Yeah, it's debilitating when we feel stuck because we feel like we're out of control. We don't have control over our lives. And so I'd like to encourage folks to release that story about I'm stuck in this Job and say, change it, reframe it to, I'm choosing this job for the next month or the next three months or whatever, I'm going to choose to stay in this job. And then I'm going to make a move instead of, I'm stuck in this job. So take some, you know, a little bit of control back from, you know, that stuckness and say, No, I'm not stuck. I'm choosing this job for, you know, the foreseeable future or whatever timeframe, and then I'm going to make a shift.

Ray Loewe  20:34  

Okay, I think we want to end on that word of wisdom, because Boy, that is so true of so many people. And I think that that will help people change their lives. So Judy, thank you so much for being with us. You definitely are one of the luckiest people in the world. Even if you weren't married to this guy who cooks I still think you'd be there and we will have you back sometime or We're going to have you on one of our coffee cocktail hour so that our listeners can spend a little bit more time with you. But again, thanks for your words of wisdom and Taylor. Let's kind of move towards finishing up.

Diane Dayton  21:13  

You're listening to changing the rules with KC Dempster and Ray Loewe, the luckiest guy in the world. We will be right back with more exciting information.

KC Dempster  21:23  

Welcome back, everybody. That was really a great conversation and the positivity is contagious. And I think that, you know, we need to seek positivity out sometimes.

Ray Loewe  21:35  

Absolutely. And positivity is we're going to be back next week with another guest.

KC Dempster  21:43  

That's correct. And I just want to remind everybody, that it's not enough to choose to make a one time commitment to being lucky. It's an ongoing process. You have to keep working at it and re examining yourself and doing that inside work. as Judy called it and, and, you know, look, look for things that can help you and support you. And I think the pals is a great idea too. So, we'll be back next week. And join us again for some great wisdom. See you then.

Diane Dayton  22:18  

Thank you for listening to changing the rules, a podcast designed to help you live your life the way you want, and give you what you need to make it happen. Join us in two weeks for our next exciting topic on changing the rules with KC Dempster and Ray Loewe the luckiest guy in the world.