Have you ever thought you'd like to write a memoir? Many people feel their life is boring and no one would be interested. Some people imagine a memoir would have to cover their entire life, from birth to the present. How daunting! No so, according to Nora Kerr, founder of Memoir for Me. Nora's story starts in college, with twists and turns that bring her to today. Learn how she helps people write their own memoir or pull a memoir out of a loved one. Learn about The Luckiest People in the World at www.theluckiestpeopleintheworld.com
Reach Nora Kerr through, memoirforme.com
TRANSCRIPT
This is Changing the Rules, a podcast about designing the life you want to live, hosted by KC Dunster and Ray Loewe, the luckiest guy in the world.
KC Dempster 0:13
Good morning, everybody. Welcome to Changing the Rules. I'm KC Dempster, and I'm here with my co host Ray Loewe in the Wildfire Podcast studios in beautiful downtown Woodbury, New Jersey.
Ray Loewe 0:26
It's the wonderful Wildfire Studios.
KC Dempster 0:28
Who's giving this introduction?
Ray Loewe 0:30
Well, I'm going to jump in here because of the wonderful Wildfire Studios. You know, we still have no idea how to do a podcast, you know that?
KC Dempster 0:39
I don't know, I think you're kind of getting broken in. Ithink. I mean, you don't know the technical stuff. But you don't have to because we have Wildfire here to support us
Ray Loewe 0:47
And they do it all right?
KC Dempster 0:48
Yes, they do.
Ray Loewe 0:49
So So tell us why we're talking about Changing the Rules?
KC Dempster 0:53
Well, we're talking about changing the rules, because we believe that there are a lot of people in the world who are actually what we would call the luckiest people in the world. And these are people who design the life that they want to live. And then they live it to the max without letting somebody else tell them what to do. They want to live their own life. Yeah.
Ray Loewe 1:14
And you know, we're saddled with all these rules from the beginning of our life, from school, from parents, from church, from jobs from all these things society, and you know, if you live by other people's rules, you're not living your own life. You got it. Very good. Okay. So the whole idea is to filter through the rules, finds the one, find the ones that work for you, and go out and do it.
KC Dempster 1:39
Correct. And make some rules for yourself that will work for you.
Ray Loewe 1:42
Cool. So we've got a great guest today. Yes. Okay. She's out there in the wilds of Chicago. And Nora Kerr, Nora Kerr. Okay, say hello, Nora.
Nora Kerr 1:55
Hi, everyone.
Ray Loewe 1:56
Okay, so so Nora runs a company called memory Memoirs for Me. All right. And we're gonna let her tell you later as we go, what that means, because her story kind of just builds right into it. But where I want to start, Nora is way back when you went to college, because unlike most people, you actually did things in college that are reflecting in your life today.
KC Dempster 2:24
Even if you didn't know that they would.
Ray Loewe 2:26
Yeah. So so so tell you went to Wittenberg college. Right, which is now Wittenberg university, I believe. And you wrote your thesis in what?
Nora Kerr 2:36
Family storytelling? What made
KC Dempster 2:40
what, what made that come to you?
Nora Kerr 2:43
Well, if you can imagine my, my family, it was pretty funny cast of characters. And they just, you know, I wasn't always in creative writing classes. And it always came back to my family, like growing up with my siblings, and, you know, this big Irish rowdy family and I just knew there was a lot of content there. Ripe for pickin
Ray Loewe 3:07
So family lives in fear of what you might publish about them? Is that what it is?
Nora Kerr 3:13
Well, as the great Anne Lamott said, You can't worry about that, if they if you want to, if they they should have behaved better that she has.
KC Dempster 3:24
Absolutely, yes, I have, after all, you are going to school to be a writer, correct?
Nora Kerr 3:29
Correct. Yeah, I probably thought I was gonna be a journalist or I didn't know. You know, I was still pretty directionless back then. But
Ray Loewe 3:37
well, I think I think we all are, but but I think people are going to find out how significant as that is, as we get into your journey and where you're going. But But you also mentioned that you spent hours in the dark room. Now I don't think we have dark rooms anymore. Okay.
Nora Kerr 3:52
So sad. Yeah,
Ray Loewe 3:53
yeah, it is. But but it was an element of photography in here as well as writing. And both of these kind of meshed eventually into your business meant Memoirs for Me. So So let's talk a little bit about how you got into this whole thing and talk a little bit about the job you hated talk about some other things that happened in your life and then talked a little bit about how this whole thing unfolded.
Nora Kerr 4:24
Sure. So in 2015, I was in a job that I told, you know, I mentioned that I was chasing a paycheck for I would say most of my 20s and 30s. And, not surprisingly, was not feeling very fulfilled in my career life. And at the same time I was, I had two young kids, my dad in 20. So that would have been 2014 was diagnosed, he was living with prostate cancer for many years. And then in 2015, we got a pretty scary prognosis and just I just think like, all those factors came together. And I really felt like I was in a crisis, like, emotionally and wasn't handling the news about my father, who I love very much very well. And, you know, it's, it's funny, you go back to what you know, and I just went back to writing and asking questions and just, I just, you know, clearly realized there was so much about my dad, I didn't know. And here we had this six months, you know, prognosis with him. And that was, I think, on on the on the high, the long end. So I was working with a coach, a life coach, life slash career coach, and trying to figure out my next professional move. And, you know, you do all those skill assessments and stuff and interviewing and writing kept coming up. And I was like, you know, what, I'm going to tell my dad's story. And I think at that point, I was just, it was more of an emotional coping thing than any kind of professional goal. And just, it was just this trans, transformative process in my life. And I found out all these amazing things about my dad that I never knew. Because who asked these questions of their parents when, you know, until until you realize you don't have the time to ask them anymore. So I found out all these things that, you know, my dad struggled in his career, never knew that, you know, he just always outward, he had this outward projection of success and happiness about him. He struggled with depression for much of his life, like, and he was very forthcoming about this, or I would never speak so openly about it. You know, I think when you get to the end of your life, like just all those kind of filters and everything that he kind of held, held in for so long, just came out. Right. It was just awesome. Just a great experience, though, you know,
Ray Loewe 6:53
some people would think that that would be a depressing experience. Obviously, that was not,
Nora Kerr 6:58
you know, it wasn't Ray because I think I, you know, it was, I was trying to understand my dad's story. And what I really came away with is a better understanding of my own. And it was just It was just like, oh, that's why I feel the way I feel. You know, like, I'm not alone. You know, these people in my life have gone through these things before me. Like we just we just always think that we're like, the first thing first people going through hardships.
KC Dempster 7:28
Yeah. Okay.
Ray Loewe 7:29
So this is the forerunner of what is today your business, right? So I was sitting down with your coach, I think she, he or she probably said, Hey, you know, this is where you're going. Right? And this is where you went?
Nora Kerr 7:44
Yeah, she was like, would you ever? She's like, what about this? You know, what about making a go of this? And, you know, we have a lot of talk with my husband about whether we could financially make it work. Thankfully, you know,
KC Dempster 8:00
that's always a consideration. I mean, you have to take that into account. You know, yes, we all want to be doing something we love to do, but sometimes transitioning to that from one place to another. It can't be just jumping off the cliff.
Ray Loewe 8:15
Yeah, but the point is, it's possible Yeah. And the point is a to many people today are just trapped in jobs that they hate. I think it was a Gallup statistic A while ago, that said something like 80% of the people either hate their jobs or don't like them, okay. And, and that's appalling when you think about it. And here, you are able to go back to your college courses, you were able to, you know, put it all together or take a relatively sad situation, and turn it into a very fulfilling situation and build a business.
KC Dempster 8:51
So let's get to that.
Ray Loewe 8:52
Okay, so, on your website, you have a bunch of blogs, okay. And I want to go after them right away. So So let's start with the greatest story ever told,
Nora Kerr 9:07
hmm. Yes, big language around a very simple idea. So that blog was about a recent event, I was trying to get my kids into bed, and you know, doing the usual harried parent thing that I just, you know, was trying to wrap the day and I wanted to, like relax myself. It had been a long day and my I passed by my 11 year old son's room, and he was quietly reading. And I was surprised to find out it was the book I did on my dad back in 2015. So he's had a copy sitting on his bookshelf for many years and just for whatever reason, he decided to pull it out and he just he had all these questions and it just became this like, like, it just stopped me in my tracks to see it. And then we had this beautiful conversation about his G-pa you know, my dad, and It really struck struck me. I know this right in my life that this this is a beautiful thing that, like stories are amazing. But the lasting power of them, you know? Yes. So it was just a great experience and I had to write I had to write about it.
Ray Loewe 10:20
So So what would you suggest here, I mean, we all have family members here. And you found a an interesting way of building a relationship with people by writing about them. You know, and and how many of your other family members have you picked on?
Nora Kerr 10:39
My mother and her three sisters, I did a separate book project for them.
Ray Loewe 10:46
Okay. And you and your firm now have written several 100 of these for other people. Is that correct?
Nora Kerr 10:52
Yeah, we're pretty close to 200 stories. Okay. Wow.
Ray Loewe 10:55
Okay. And every one of them, you pull out of people, things that, you know, we don't know why. I mean, when I go back and look at my grandmother, she was an extraordinary cook. And nobody wrote down the recipes, because she didn't willingly write them down. Okay, and they're all gone. Now. Right there. They're lost, right? And, and it's because we never took the time to do what you did with your father, I found the same thing is true with she and My mother spoke Hungarian in the house. I, I kind of walked away from that. Now I sit back and I say, Gee, I wish I would have taken advantage of that opportunity.
KC Dempster 11:40
Well, in fairness to you, Ray, a lot of times they spoke it so that you didn't know what they were saying.
Ray Loewe 11:46
Well, that's true. But But you know, getting back to Nora over here and what she's doing for people how? Well let me let me hit a different blog that you have on your website over here you have one on reluctant storytellers. And, and I think that most people are afraid to go back to their relatives because they don't know how to start the conversation. Okay. And talk to us a little bit about reluctant storytellers.
Nora Kerr 12:18
Yeah, so this could look different, depending on the family. But you know, I've heard every barrier there is from I don't have a story to tell, who would care about my story. You know, nothing happened in my life, like just totally downplaying their own life story. I've also heard, you know, there's parts of my life I'm not real proud of, you know, almost like a shame kind of barrier. Right? So, and both are very valid. You know, I always try to make sure my, the clients know that they're in control. So we might talk about uncomfortable situations, but that's not, you know, that's not the focal point. It's like, how did you get through it? And what did you learn from it? And how did you grow from it? Like back to Ray, you were talking about, you know, the experience with my dad, it could have been very sad if I sat and dwelled on his challenges, but we talked about how he got through it. You know, I mean, he was a living testimony that you can get through tough things.
Ray Loewe 13:18
So, shall we, when you get clients in, Does it come with the person whose story it is? Or does it initiate from somebody who wants to find out what the story is about somebody else?
Nora Kerr 13:32
It's usually their adult children. So right there, that's another, you know, just telling them there is somebody who wants to hear your story, you know, the fact that they reached out to me and they want to document. So usually, by the end of the interview, they're like, Wow, I didn't, I guess I do have a story to tell. Like there's there is a realization and to me, that is a really beautiful moment.
Ray Loewe 13:58
Okay, so you had another blog up there. And it was when you were the happiest,
Nora Kerr 14:04
Hmm, Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I have the unique position that I get to talk to all these elders. Going back to I do feel that I am one of the luckiest people in the world to be able to get to hear these stories. And oftentimes, I hear about, I'll ask them, when were you happiest? And it's oftentimes when their children were little, you know, when life was completely chaotic. And here I am kind of sitting in that position in my life and it's just this weird kind of meta situation where I'm like, it has truly made me pause like when I'm in the middle of a chaotic parenting moment. I do think about, you know, those these seniors that I talked to saying this you know, enjoy it, enjoy it while it lasts.
Ray Loewe 14:57
So now the pressures on because now You have to take notes when you're in these chaotic moments, right? Because somebody is going to ask you about this later, probably you. Okay. Let's talk a little bit about how you approach this. I mean, I think we all have either a story we want to tell, or we know people that we'd like to get the story out of. And, you know, we could go to somebody like you. And I think that there's a bridge before that. Because we don't always feel confident that we have that story to tell. So So how do you what are the questions that you ask people to kind of know that there's a story? And how do you get started with this stuff?
Nora Kerr 15:42
I always know there's a story. I mean, even when I have worked with people that are tough nuts to crack, and yet they do still crack.
KC Dempster 15:54
Well, yeah, and you know, like, I think that, that when they say, Well, I don't have a story to tell they're thinking in terms of movie worthy. But that's not what you're looking for. Right?
Nora Kerr 16:05
Right. Yeah, I you know, I always love asking about, what did you What did you eat when you were a kid? You know, it sounds it says so much. You know, was there enough food? Who prepared it? What cultural traditions are seen in those family meals? What you know, what was talked about who was sitting around the table? Like, it just paints such a beautiful picture. And everyone had that experience? Like, even if they were hungry? Like then tell me that story? So I'm sorry, you were somewhere else? Right? No, in terms of photos?
Ray Loewe 16:38
No, I'm not. You're right, where I kind of am interested in hearing about things because I always anticipate this reluctant storyteller out there, this, this person who's got this story, but you know, they think nobody's interested in this. And here I am, you know, that the telling tale here is when your son picked up the book about your father. So there is an audience.
Nora Kerr 17:03
Yeah. And he's gonna pick that book up in five to 10 years, and probably find something else in there right now. Right? It's like a conversation starter. That's what I think is so cool about it. So he's not here anymore. But yet, these stories are here to ensure that his legacy is still very much relevant.
Ray Loewe 17:24
Okay, so you had also on there tips for Do It Yourself interviews? Why don't you give us a few of those, and then we're going to segue back into how people use somebody like you to get the job done when they don't have the time, or they don't know how,
Nora Kerr 17:41
yeah. Yeah, you know, yes, we do this for a business. And, of course, I'd love everyone to be a customer, but I'm aware that, you know, it is an investment in time and, and money. And so some people do want to do it themselves. So a lot of what we do is just talk about how you can do that it's almost become it's become a mission, personal mission for me. So, we do have a lot of free resources on our website. And, you know, my number one tip is to start with pictures, you know, pull out, pull out old photos. And I mean, it can be as simple as, you know, pulling out that old shoe box and sitting down with mom, or grandma or whoever it is, and just saying, who's this?
You know, or, you know, where was this taken or just, you would be surprised of the stories even like memory care patients we've worked with, you know, if you get them sitting with some pictures long enough, maybe play some old music, pull out old yearbooks, stories just will organically start spilling out.
KC Dempster 18:47
That's fantastic. I didn't realize you worked with memory care patients. And that I think is such a gift to, to the person to the families. Wow.
Nora Kerr 18:57
I'm not gonna pretend that I have any kind of medical or any professional background, but we've done enough of these interviews that it's just you just have to be patient. And usually, you just see work with the family. Right, right, right.
Ray Loewe 19:10
Now, if I were doing this myself, I would have to have writing skills. I, I mean, I could see myself sitting down and putting a picture in front of relatives and stuff like that, and tell him Tell me about this. What I can't say is taking notes and turning it into a meaningful manuscript of some kind. So let's talk a little bit more specifically about what you do here because I know you have several packages available to people. Some are you know, maybe we do everything some or maybe you do almost everything but how do you work with people here? What what happens?
Nora Kerr 19:47
Well, we say we're a full service company. So you don't really have to do anything. We'll guide you through the whole thing. But, you know if we have worked with clients that have written pieces pulled together And we'll help edit and lay it out. As part of our process, we use audio recorders, we use video recorders, and then we transcribe. So even though Yes, there is some there, there is writing involved, a lot of it is, your loved ones own words, is a bulk of the story. So we're just kind of helping to shape it, you know, clean it up, make them sound as as brilliant as as possible. But we'd like to keep, like, you know, they're, they're the terms that we they would use, or, you know, we've even done once, you know, with accents, or we worked with someone whose English was limited, and it was like, almost like a, you know, a bit of that Spanish English English mix. So we kind of peppered that in her in her quotes. So yeah, technology is great for, you know, do it yourself. So audio recorders on your smartphone, just that like that voice memo app is great. You just hit record, pull out some pictures and, and you're, you're rocking and rolling. So
Ray Loewe 21:09
So the end result winds up to be a book of some kind that your kids can read when you're tucking them in at the end of a hassled day. And you're pleasantly surprised by gee, they are actually involved in their family's history, right? I think what you're doing is wonderful, I wouldn't what I'm not sure of yet is how you set the stage to do this. I mean, if I were going to do this, do I go to grandma and say, Grandma, I'm going to bring somebody in. And I want you to tell your story.
Nora Kerr 21:41
I always say, ask them if they wish they had the story of their parents. So like, once you flip it around, and they see the value it is to the next generation, then they're usually a little more forthcoming.
Ray Loewe 21:57
So once Yeah, of course,
Nora Kerr 21:59
they wish they had the story of their parents or their grandparents. Right. So. Okay, so
Ray Loewe 22:05
that's the key right there. Boy, do you wish you had the story of your parents or your grandparents or other family members or whatever? That's, that's wonderful. Okay, we're near the end of our time. So do you have any comments that you want to make that you want our listeners to think about?
Nora Kerr 22:22
You know, just the sense of urgency. Obviously, for my own example, I don't recommend waiting until you have a scary prognosis. If you have a loved one who's in good health. And you want to their story, and it doesn't, it can be at any point of their life, right? It's just a snapshot. So don't feel like you have to wait for a certain milestone birthday, or, you know, oh, maybe they're not old enough. Like, that's ridiculous. So just do it. Just start start asking those questions now. Because, you know, you just never know, that's true. And
KC Dempster 22:59
I think that the other thing to make it seem less daunting is to have people understand that this is not the autobiography, where they start at the day they were born and have to record every single event up until today.
Nora Kerr 23:13
Yeah, that's a great point. Like, you know, I personally was really in a crisis with my career. So I wanted to hear about my dad's career. So I, that's where we started, like, there was no chronological order to it. It's like, what are you interested in and start there.
Ray Loewe 23:29
And one of the things that you can do is you can go to Nora's website memoirs for me, okay. And she's got some lists of some of the things that they do for other people with some ideas of prices on there, too. So this doesn't have to be this huge, expensive project that we think it is. And, you know, we've been doing a series of stories for a while here on storytelling. One of the things I think is a story well told is just that special, okay. And when I look back with regrets, by the way, of all that I didn't capture when I had the opportunity. And now when I think about it, it's not there anymore. Okay. So I would suggest you, you know, take a look at this kind of a thing and see about how you might weave this, this kind of storytelling in your life. And Nora is a great place to start, and any again, I'll give you one last chance at last comments, Nora, you can do?
Nora Kerr 24:32
Well, so it's memoirforme.com, just singular for that. Yeah, we have a we have a free interview kit, like a toolkit. If you drop us an email, you can download that. So that's completely free on our website. That's a great place to start. And, yeah, it's never too late. That that is my parting words.
KC Dempster 24:53
Thank you. Thank you so much. Yeah,
Ray Loewe 24:55
and thanks for sharing the significance of all of this with us and have a great day. And KC, where we go next.
KC Dempster 25:02
We're going into another podcast next week and you haven't told me who the guest is as usual. So thank you everybody Tune in next week because I'm sure that even though I can't tell you who it is, it's going to be great.
Ray Loewe 25:16
Better than you think. We'll see you next week.
Kris Parsons 25:21
Thank you for listening to Changing the Rules, a podcast designed to help you live your life the way you want and give you what you need to make it happen. Join us next week for our next exciting topic on changing the rules with KC Dempster and Ray Loewe, the luckiest guy in the world