This week we talk with Paula Adler, entrepreneur or as she says solopreneur, and mother. Paula shares with us how she moved from a very successful career to owning her coaching and consulting company. She shares with us her journey and gives us an idea of what made her take the steps necessary to change her life. We enjoyed learning a little bit about how she is now helping others to take the step to change their lives. If you are looking to make a change in your career or in your life, you don't want to miss this podcast.
Podcast Guest: Paula Adler
Paula's website: https://www.paulaadlercoaching.com/
Transcription:
Kris Parsons00:01
Welcome to changing the rules, a weekly podcast about people who are living their best life and how you can figure out how to do it too. Join us with your life, the host Ray Loewe, better known as the luckiest guy in the world.
Ray Loewe00:21
Good morning, everybody. And welcome to another exciting episode of changing the rules. And we have a great guest today, a great guest who has been successful all of her life, and then found out that even in a successful format, there was time to make a change, because it was time to make a change. We'll hear all about Paula Adler's story. I can't talk this morning. So let me remind you, first of all, that changing the rules, it is about the fact that all through our lives, we get rules thrown at us, they're thrown at us first by our parents, then is our schools, our church, our employers, you know, everybody has a set of rules that they want us to obey. And all of these rules are given to us. Because they're good at a time, you know, they serve a need and, and they offer us direction and stability and, and a way to make decisions. But one of the problems with living life under somebody else's rules is that eventually, you're living your life. And it's not yours, it's somebody else's life. And in order to live your own life and build your own life, you have to be able to look at rules in a positive way, you have to be able to change them, you have to be able to find out for you what's really right for you. And every week we interview another one of the luckiest people in the world. And the luckiest people in the world. Let me remind you are people who take control of their lives. They personally design them to fit their needs and their wants. And then they live them to the fullest under their own terms. So Paula Adler, welcome to changing the rules.
Paula Adler02:15
Thank you for having me. And every time you say living life on your own terms, I also have heard you say tailor the rules. And that's the way I like to think about it. Thank you for having me. I'm so thrilled to be here, Ray.
Ray Loewe02:25
Well, I'm excited because you're again, another one of the perfect role models. And so you and I have something in common. And if we go back far enough, I have to go back a lot further than you. We both worked for a firm called Price Waterhouse Coopers. And only when I was there, it wasn't Price Waterhouse Coopers it was Lybrand and Ross brothers in Montgomery. So I was there in the dark ages. But it was a great firm. For me, it served a really important need for me. But I came to a time when it was time for me to move on. So tell us a little bit about well, you know, before we get there you're not only a successful business lady, but you're a mom. Yeah, Tell us a little bit about who you are.
Paula Adler03:14
Yeah, I can. I uh, I have gotten very comfortable talking about that, because I encourage my clients to do the same. So thank you again for having me. So lets I always start with family. I am the mother of two amazing sons who live in New York City, ones in grad school right now. And one is an architect in New York who's getting married next year. So that is the thing that draws me the most my most proud. I don't want to say an accomplishment, because it's their accomplishment. But family is just really key to me. And so that's family. And so from a career perspective, I'll look at it in two pieces of my life, I am now a former never thought I'd say that managing director at one of the big four audit tax and consulting firms. You named it, it was Coopers and Lybrand, for me and then PWC. I spent over 33 years there in a variety of roles. I had a wonderful career primarily in the consulting practice and my roles crossed over human capital. I was in a strategy operations person, and then I spent my last, I guess, probably more than 10 years, I think it was 15 years in risk management, and had an amazing career. I would say other than my very first role for Coopers and Lybrand, pretty much every role that I had was one that was created. And so that was amazing. So the former managing director is the case today now and I smile every time I get to say this. I am a solopreneur. I'm a life and leadership coach. I own Paula Adler Coaching and Consulting and I market to women. My clients are men and women, but I market to women. My mission is to work with ambitious, outwardly successful women who have an inner knowing that there's more to life than the way they're currently living and here parenthetically I will say that was my story. So I work with my clients to create a vision for how they want their life to look, even if they feel like it's impossible, which is how I felt at the time. We gain clarity on what's standing in the way. And then we work on clearing the past so they can live a life and career that brings joy and where they feel valued and a sense of satisfaction without burning out in the process. So that's, that's who I am.
Ray Loewe05:24
Okay, so let's go back a little bit because obviously, you were very successful. You had the titles. You had the money. Okay, you add excitement in a career. Okay. You had prestige? And probably a lot more than that, but But what are the things that caused you to say, Okay, I need to make changes.
Paula Adler05:49
Yeah, I'm happy to share that. And, yeah, happy to share it. So how can I start with that a little history of what led up to my change, and then we can talk about the change itself. So as I said, I really had an amazing career, I spent the better part of my career in professional services, and I was operating in a really high pressure, high demand work environment, and I am a high performer, you know, and that's what I was always. And so I always strove to excel in every area of my life at home, with my kids, as a parent to, you know, my two amazing sons and then professionally, I say this humbly, I've got two CPA licenses, I spent over 33 years with my firm, I had outstanding roles, I valued my promotions and desirable income, as you said, and at the time, and today, I say this too, I describe myself as ambitious. I was definitely driven. I hopefully I was successful, I was really devoted to what I did, determined and resilient. So where things started to change for me is even though I long respected and appreciated my firm in my roles, it was often really hard to leave them at the door when I came home. And something I'm I want to share freely is I also walked the tightrope, tightrope of unexpected single parenthood, and then ultimately caring for my aging parents one right after the other. And so with all those things going on all those balls in the air, I was often left feeling, I really felt inadequate, I was juggling so many balls in the air that I felt like I kept dropping them all the time. And so what started to happen is, even though I described myself as I did, I also felt, I felt overwhelmed. I felt overworked, I felt anxious, I was stressed all the time, and I felt really stuck. You know, I look at it today. And with all those things happening. I know today that it's really that struggle, you know, the struggle that was inherent in that journey that I took, that has really most influenced where I am today. All those challenges that I went through it really they really prepared me and positioned me for what I'm doing today as a life and leadership coach. So I really do, I can still feel I understand what it means like the days are passing you by. And I felt like I was living every moment in a tunnel of responsibility. From the moment I woke up to the moment I went to sleep, I had trouble setting boundaries. So I really know the toll that an inability to set boundaries can have on someone. And I also got to a point where I had a desire to make a change. I did not know what it was, but I felt paralyzed by fear. And so you know, I know that experience of being fearful of making a change. What I did learn ultimately, is that with the right support, it's really possible to walk through your challenges. And so that was the history of what led up to me considering a change.
Ray Loewe08:40
You know, I see a lot of that going on, at least in thought today. So we're getting a lot of people that because of this COVID experience that we've had being home, all of a sudden have said, I don't want to go back to the office anymore. I kind of like the fact that I can spend some time with my children. I kind of liked that, I can get up in the morning and you know, dress up from the waist up and do a zoom call and not have to worry about things. So what are the reasons? Excuse me, I guess that are going to cause people to make changes like this. And then how do you get this unstuck? You put on your website? A bunch of one-word kinds of things. So let me go through them real quickly. Actually, there are two sets. One of them was positive, driven, successful, responsible, giving, devoted, resilient, and determined. Yeah, there's another set that we'll hold back for later. But I think those are the things that describe you. I think they describe a lot of the people that you're working with now. But how does somebody that's there all of a sudden deal with this impetus to change it? Make it happen?
Paula Adler10:01
Yeah, yeah, I was that person for some years. And I remember just not even knowing where to turn and how to take a step. And I think I ultimately learned, you know, I'm a, I'm a producer, I'll say I was tied to outcomes, I was looked at by PwC, as someone to drive projects and get to a conclusion, and then drive the next project. And I could do that with my eyes closed. But I couldn't figure out how to do that with my own life. I just as I said, I felt stuck and paralyzed. And I have great appreciation for having worked at PWC. It was my home. But I think people get to the point as I did and this speaks for the clients that I have today. Sometimes it's just one thing that drives it, they get to a point in something they read someone they talk to, they just get to a point and want to put a foot in the door and just say, I've got to make a change. I don't know what it is, which is a lot of the clients that I work with some come with goals, some come with, I don't know what it is, I'm feeling stuck. I don't want to live like this anymore. They also have a great appreciation for where they are. But they know they need to change because that like me, they would watch every day go by and one year goes by and the next year goes by, and they might not have even been focusing on their values or living their life joyfully. They just these are my clients today, they are middle to high-level leaders in organizations who get to a point and COVID Absolutely has driven some of them more quickly than others to say I don't know what it is, I need to make a change, and I need some help. And that's what happened to me, I got to a point where I just said, I know I've got to do something. I can't do it myself. And that's when I started to look for a coach.
Ray Loewe11:47
Okay, so there's another list on your website. I love reading your website over here. So let me go through this list. Because this I think describes a lot of the clients that you're looking for now and a lot of the people that are upset so we have overworked. Overwhelmed, anxious, inadequate. I want to go back to that one. Guilty. I want to spend a little time on that one. Stressed and lost.
Paula Adler12:16
Yeah. All the above? Yeah.
Ray Loewe12:20
So so how do you deal with this? I mean, because here you are, you're making good money. And all of a sudden, you're looking at a change that might take you into no money, less money. Let's say no money, you got to support a family. You know you got to deal with this. And how do you deal with this feeling of inadequacy and especially the feeling of guilt? Yeah, you're back on.
Paula Adler12:46
Yeah, thank you so much. I all the above at different points of my tenure and throw single parent unexpected single parenthood in there. And, and then my, my dad, and then my mom aging who needed some help. It was just overwhelming. And I didn't know, I didn't know I got to a point. I didn't know what to do. But I knew I had to take a step. And so that for me that happened first in about 2017 where I started thinking about, Okay, I've got to make a change. I don't know what it is. And then I think I got thrust back into things. My mom fell, she broke her hip, I was in the middle of some acquisitions at work. But that's where the thought process started. And, and my clients and similar to me sometimes sit on that for a while. I think if somebody had said to me, Hey, I'm here to help you, I might have put my arms up in the air, I just felt like I couldn't get through my day and add anything else to it. So I think that percolated for a little bit for me for a couple years. And it was from 2000 to 2019, where I just kept feeling that need. And all of those adjectives you described about taking making a change about the I'll I can talk about later, the coaching I had in order to move through my decision to resign from the firm because I had a lot of guilt with that. But I did get to a point in 2019. And I just said enough is enough. And I don't know what I want to do. So I just decided the way I look at it as I put a foot in the door of my life. And I decided I was going to make a change. I didn't know where it would lead. Although I didn't feel this way at the time. I look back now and I say that it was really okay. That I didn't know. It's really about trusting the process. So I made a decision to take one step at a time.
Ray Loewe14:28
So you're a gutsy lady, Paula, how's that?
Paula Adler14:31
Well, I think I reached a limit, Ray? Yeah, I don't know. Maybe I'm looking at it now as gutsy but back then it was just like survival. Again, so much love for my firm and I had so many amazing experiences but I felt like me as a person that I wasn't developing learning a lot but wasn't developing. So I took one step. As a start. As I always say to my client's real change and during change happens one step at a time. And I decided to enroll in a Life and Leadership potentials course, just by the title in the description it drew me, I didn't know where it was going to go ultimately was part of a coach certification program that was run by AIPAC, the Institute for professional excellence and coaching, where I ultimately got my coaching certification. I had no desire at the time to leave my firm, my objective was really put a foot in the door of my life and determine what was important to me, I didn't even know it was important to me. I got into that there's three-module program over the course of the year. And I got into that program and got two-thirds through the coach training program, again, doing this for myself, and to be a better leader at PwC. A better coach, I got two-thirds through the program, and I walked out that second module, and all of a sudden, like, boom, something hit me, I started thinking about my history in the firm and in my life and thinking about all the roles that I had in human capital and strategy and operations and risk management and two themes, just boom to the top for me, they just rose right up, then one was developing strong relationships. And the other one was coaching. So across all of my roles that I had, developing strong relationships was so key to me, I ran a risk workstream around acquisitions. And when we acquired a company, the leaders coming into our PwC, rather large firm, I develop relationships with them. With any project that I did, I develop relationships across the US and Mexico globally, relationships have always been important to me, and they always will be. So relationships was a focus for me and coaching. And whether it was formal coaching at PwC, where I was assigned as the coach, or informal coaching, or even coaching our leaders, those two things rose to the top. And I at that point said, Wait, something's coming up for me here. And I feel like I'm starting to think about my purpose and mission. And I decided it was time to hire a coach and explore what was coming up.
Ray Loewe16:58
Okay, so you hired a coach? I did. You did. Do you still have a coach?
Paula Adler17:03
God bless her. Yes, I still have the same coach. Yeah. God bless her for her patience. Yeah
Ray Loewe17:07
Actually, you and I agree on something. I mean, I am a incredible believer in the value that coaches bring to the table. And they're all different, and they're different at different times. But I have been in coaching programs over probably the last 25 years, in various ways. And there's just a tremendous value in helping you get a handle on things. So let's talk for a minute about how your coach helped you get a grip on this. And then we're going to go into how you as a coach can help people ease this transition if they have this anxiety and guilt, and inadequate feelings on all of these things and help them get a handle on things.
Paula Adler17:51
Yeah, absolutely. And one thing for me, and I see it with my clients as well, you really need to be ready to do the work. And there are points in my career that I knew I needed to change, but I just wasn't ready to move forward. And that distinguished for me when I hit that point in 2017. And 2019. I was ready. I just reached a point of saying, and it wasn't one thing like that was the tip. The it wasn't anything that tipped the scales. It was just I got to a point where I said, I'm ready. I have one client who's a senior exec in a large financial services institution. She was on LinkedIn one day, she happened to see a post that I did. She looked at that post and booked into my calendar. And she had been thinking for a while I need to do something it was for her that one messaging that happened for me, I just got to a point and I just said, I'm watching life pass me by I don't know where to go. And I need to take a step. So I think you have to be ready for coaching. I had at that time when I went through the AIPAC program. And I reached that point two-thirds through the program where I just felt like what was rising to the top for me was that whole focus on relationships and coaching. That was the point at which I decided I felt like I had something to explore. And so I hired a coach who very much resonated with me, I saw a video of her and it just I knew I go with my intuition. And so I had, I had an inner knowing at the time as the way I'll put it that it was time for me, as you say, to tailor the rules, to be able to take my life in a different direction. And so with her help, and as I say thank goodness for her never-ending patiences then and today. We really dug in and explored and I had never looked at my values before. Looking at my values. What were my core values? I didn't have time for that. Like I just went to work, you know, and raise my kids and care for my parents. So we really talked about purpose and mission. I could do that strategically at work anytime. But it as it related to myself. I really never spent the time doing that. So we dug in we talked about purpose and mission. As I said relationships and coaching were the theme for me. We explored my core values, one of my core values today is joy, the top value is joy. And I had not thought about that before. So we looked at my core values and, and then I decided to start making some shifts and exploring. We also looked at all the inner blocks that were coming up for me and keeping me from stepping into my fears to make a shift. In my career in my life, I had a lot of guilt about leaving PwC as I said, I had a great career wasn't really running from something. But I was looking to run to a life that I felt I wanted to step into. So that's what happened to me. So about six months after working with my coach, I made the decision to leave the firm, to become a I say, a solopreneur and establish myself as a life and leadership coach. And when I finally spoke to I was a managing director, I spoke to the partner whose team I was on. I wrote a love letter to PwC about what my experience was, but I had a knowing that it was time for me to do something else. So that's how I got to the decision about leaving and establishing my own business.
Ray Loewe21:03
Okay, so let's do two things here. First of all, let's let's give your website right now where people can reach you and explore coaching if they feel they need this. And we'll put this in our podcast notes so that people be able to find this in writing and linked to you, so ahead.
Paula Adler21:25
Yeah, my website is Paula Adler coaching.com. Paula with an A at the end and Adler with a at the beginning. So today's together so Paula Adler coaching.com. One word,
Ray Loewe21:38
Paula Adler
Paula Adler21:40
Adler coaching.com
Ray Loewe21:45
Okay, now Now, when you're looking for a coach, I mean, not every coach fits every person. And one of the things that you said in your comments here was that intuition drove you you just knew this was the right person. What were those things that that you would suggest to people when they're looking for a coach? How do they siphon through that and find people, because it is a very individualized thing is not?
Paula Adler22:11
Absolutely individualized. Yeah, and what I would, and I do say this to people who come my way, I suggest they speak to multiple people. As it turned out for me, I spoke to one person and I knew, I just really knew, I think I was watching her from afar. And what she said just resonated for me. So I had this inner knowing you know that she was the person that I was drawn to, but I do encourage people to speak with more than one person, get on, get on a call with that coach ask for their time I do what's called a discovery call with each person who reaches out to me. And I'm not tied to that outcome of where they go, I'm really I get on the call with them. And I advise people to do this, get on the call, talk about where you are now. Talk about where you'd like to be if you know, then talk about what's getting in your way. And then have a dialogue with that coach and see what feels right. I did those things well with my prospective coach at the time, and I knew that I wanted to work with her. When she and I first spoke, I wasn't ready to work. I was trying to figure out, I knew there were changes I wanted to make, I wasn't sure what they are. So it's not that you might sign up with somebody right away, you might need to work through some things first. So I knew after a few months that I was ready to make a change and I reached back out to her and story goes from there. So I'd say have a conversation be sure anyone you speak with gives you that time I call it a discovery call.
Ray Loewe23:35
Okay, so when you start with somebody, there's a discovery call. And that discovery call has to really get into what the issues are and to make sure that you feel comfortable with your coach. Is that correct?
Paula Adler23:48
Yeah, absolutely. I want to hear what's coming up for them. I certainly give a background but it's really all about that person. Where are they today? Where would they rather be if they know they don't always know, I didn't know. But I knew I wanted to make a change. I was at a point where I wanted to make a change. I didn't know what it was I wanted to explore. So make sure anyone you talk with as a coach gives you that time to hear you out and, and what's getting in the way of them taking things forward. And then after that, I share how I work with people in coaching. And then I really leave it up to them. Now I am not a high-pressure salesperson at all. I appreciated the fact that when I spoke to my what was my prospective coach at the time that she was not at all she got it she heard me say I'm not sure yet. And I knew a few months later that it was time to work with a coach. So I think you want to also find someone who is not going to try to push you into a corner to sell you a coaching package at the end that they're there to listen to you. And when you're ready, you're ready.
Ray Loewe24:48
Now we're unfortunately we're getting near the end of our time here and what I wanted you to do is to once you determine that the coach is right in other words once I decide that you're for me. Okay. What are you gonna do for me? Is there a process that you go through? Give us a quick idea of what happens.
Paula Adler25:09
How it is to work with me? You mean with me? yeah.
Ray Loewe25:13
what do we just sit and have conversations? Are there exercises that we do we, what, what are some of the things we do? Yeah, absolutely
Paula Adler25:21
Yeah, absolutely, I tailor my program to each of my prospective clients. So the first thing I do is a discovery call. And we talk about, as I said, where they are today, where they'd rather be if they know they most often don't know and what they think they need to address or resolve to move forward. So make sure a coach, whoever you may work with gives you that time, without pressure. What I do right now is I'll say a six-month program where we meet bi-weekly, people really need the time in between the calls, coaching happens on and off the call, I can remember having calls with my coach, and then we're I live near the Delaware canal, walking in the canal and just having things come up for me. So I do bi-weekly calls over a six-month period, and I tailor it to that person, we start out with an energy leadership assessment, I won't go into the details here. But it's really to try to understand where that person is right now and what's coming up for them and what's getting in their way. And I also do a values assessment with them. And then from there, we tailor specific program to them, we meet bi-weekly, we talk about the goal they have for the session, why it's important to them. What could get in their way, and then we go from there. Often, what a client does is brings a certain issue to the table and we find out as we're working with each other that other things are getting in the way that we work on. And so yeah, that's how I work with clients.
Ray Loewe26:49
I think the biggest thing that I'm gathering from this conversation is that it requires a commitment to make changes. And that commitment means that you have to be willing to put some time into this thing, otherwise nothing's gonna happen.
Paula Adler27:03
Absolutely. Yeah, I held off looking for a coach, there were times in my life where I knew I needed support. I just didn't know what it was. And somebody approached me without I probably would have put my arms up and just said, I'm not ready. It does require commitment to dig in and do the work and be ready to move forward. Yeah, and so I with a client over six months.
Ray Loewe27:25
Okay, so since we're at the end, and there's no question that you're one of the luckiest people in the world because when you look at your career, you started successfully. There was no reason you had to change from you know, everybody else in the world would have looked at you and said, Wow, Paula has got it all together. But there was something in you that wasn't all together, right? And so you made the change, and being able to make that change, and redesign your life is what makes you truly one of the luckiest people in the world. So, welcome to the call.
Paula Adler27:59
Thank you so much, life offers so many opportunities. We just have to know which door to open and close.
Ray Loewe28:05
Yeah, why don't you? Is there one thing that you can give as a piece of advice to people who are thinking about this process? Before we sign off?
Paula Adler28:13
Yeah, and it's something I look up I have, I have it right on my monitor here. So it's actually a Ralph Waldo Emerson quote that I look at every day. That is the task ahead of you is never as great as the power behind you. And that's where I start with my clients. I really focus with my clients on what they bring to the table and how they could move forward. And yeah, as I said, life offers you so many doors, you just have to know which one to open and which one to close.
Ray Loewe28:41
Well, great. Well, Paula, thanks for sharing your wisdom with our listeners. And we'll have to have you back at some point in time do a sequel to this call and find out how many millions of people you've helped on escape. Okay. And, again, it's Paula Adler coaching.com. Is that correct? Exactly. Right. Yeah. And, you know, just have a great day. And thanks again for sharing your wisdom with everybody.
Paula Adler29:09
Thank you for having me Ray and thanks to Rebecca for introducing us.
Kris Parsons29:14
We'll get back to thank you for listening to changing the rules, a weekly podcast about people who are living their best life and how you can figure out how to do that too. Join us with your lively host Ray Loewe, better known as the luckiest guy in the world.